Some Thoughts on Change...

My winter reading "treasure hunt" (where one book I am reading refers to another... so I begin to read that one, too...) has led me to a book entitled Seeking God by Esther de Waal. I came across the title when Kathleen Norris (in The Cloister Walk) casually referred to it as a book that changed her life! (So of course I had to get it!)














Seeking God was originally written as a Lenten Study in England, so I find it fitting that I am reading it during Lent... It was also written at a time when Esther de Waal was experiencing changes in life: her four sons were leaving home and she had become an "empty nester." What would she now do with her free time?

(Is it co-incidence that this book has come into my life at a time when I am reflecting on change, wondering how to spend my free days in retirement? I have been asking myself: Should Terry and I downsize our home? Should we move? How should I be spending my time?)

When do we make changes? I ask myself. Given that change is uncomfortable, what gives us the impetus to do it?

The answer comes from within - suddenly, surprising me: Change is uncomfortable... But I make changes when NOT changing is MORE uncomfortable!

Yes, that's it! I left my studies in Vancouver when I couldn't bear to continue any longer... My mother (reluctantly) left her home in Kelowna and moved more than 2000 miles (more than 3000 kilometers) to live near me when she realized she could no longer manage alone.

So as I reflect on changes in my own life, the book has its own wisdom to share. What do I learn?

First, this struggle with change is NATURAL... "Life seen as a journey... is an idea as old as man himself... But we cannot think of life as a journey without accepting that it must involve change and growth." (p. 69)

Second, we need to be ATTENTIVE: "It is important that we too know how to read our own history, to see the turning points, the moments of change, the unfolding of God's plan for us at each new step of the way." (p. 73)

Third, change involves LIVING IN THE PRESENT: "As my sons leave home and the house becomes emptier... I must let them go in freedom, both for their own sakes and for mine, and I must try to turn this newly found space in my life to good account and not simply fill it with busyness to cover up the void. I must live in this moment,... realizing that unless I am what I am there cannot be any growth." (p. 75)

Fourth, willingness to embrace change is AN ACT OF FAITH: "The spiritually mature adult knows that he or she does not have full control of the world; that can be left in God's hands... as we grow and change we must never forget that we are the creatures and God the creator, and it is through him that evil is to be changed to good." (p.76-7)

Finally, " the journey is based on that Gospel paradox of losing life and finding it." (p. 78)

As I read all this, I wish I could see it all as clearly as the author... I read and reflect... and I stumble on (not sure where I'm going!)... IN FAITH!