Outdoors / Indoors

There are cows and horses outdoors in the fields around the house...

So it shouldn't be a surprise to see them indoors as well. 

Play often mimics life.

Yes, Things Have Changed!

I recently came across this on Facebook...

So true!... Though I don’t remember eating that many popsicles!

My Day of Mishaps!

Life has been pretty uneventful over the past few months. Since early April, Ontario has been under a stay at home order because of our high numbers of COVID cases.

Since we don’t go out much, I’ve been wondering: Do we really  need two cars? Terry and I rarely go out at the same time...

Another thought: Do I possibly need hearing aids? (Terry seems to mumble a lot ...)

Recently our local COVID numbers began to drop, so I made an appointment to see the dentist...

When I arrived for my appointment, the receptionist was puzzled: My name wasn’t on the schedule. 

She eventually figured out that I’d gotten the day wrong... my appointment was for the 23rd not the 3rd!

Driving home - surprised that I’d made a mistake - it started to rain... And then a LOUD rumbling sound from under the car. Was I dragging something that I’d caught under the car?

I pulled into a nearby parking lot, got out of the car and saw... a flat tire!

What to do but call Terry to come (in the rain) to change it?

(It was then that I realized that I’d left my cell phone at home!) Fortunately I found someone who called Terry for me.

He arrived... The car was hauled away so that a new tire could be put on. In the end, all was well.

But my day of mishaps showed me that:

1. a second car is invaluable in an emergency (so let’s not get rid of it) and... 
2. I really do need to get my hearing checked!

The Way You Live Your Day...

A few days ago, I mentioned a book I'm currently reading, entitled Liturgy of the Ordinary...

It talks about the importance of the small, everyday things we do.

One thought that I've been reflecting on is: the way we spend our days determines the way we live our lives. It seems quite obvious... But this idea struck home, because I sometimes come across lists of things I planned to accomplish a few years ago - and I haven't done them yet.

Why haven't I made that much progress...?!

Maybe I don't really want to do them... Or maybe my priorities need to change...

The author, Tish Harrison Warren, tells how changing two daily habits changed her life. A busy wife and working mother, she wanted to enjoy her life more... So one year, for Lent, she decided to change two habits. First, she'd no longer sleep with her cell phone in the bedroom. It was too easy to be distracted by reading emails during the night. Second, a reluctant bed-maker, she decided to start making her bed.

Those two changes in her routine did make a difference... She began to reflect more on her day (while making her bed?) The emails could wait.

Reading this has left me wondering: What changes could I make to my day that would enable me to focus on some of the things I still want to do, but never seem to have time for. What is holding me back?!

Learning About Life

I’ve been hanging out with a three-year-old...

So I welcome this reminder that we learn from each other. 

What can I learn from this three-year-old?

To welcome new challenges...

And to take advantage of every opportunity to have fun!

Avoiding Knitting Pain: My New Approach

I have been an avid knitter for many, many years. For a few years now, my wrists have become sore whenever I undertake a new knitting project.

Any new (and exciting) project invariably makes me want to keep on knitting, even after my tired wrists begin to hurt.

(I know any non-knitters reading this might laugh at the idea that knitting could be "exciting"! But fellow knitters understand!)

A number of years ago, a friend who is an occupational therapist suggested I wear removable wrist splints, to keep my wrists still - and thus avoid painful twisting movements.

I tried... and I still wear them from time to time.  It works to a degree...

But not being able to move my wrist is not comfortable. I keep wondering if the new hand movements I am forced to make with the splints on will create new muscle pain.

For the past two years, when the pain becomes unbearable - when I wake up at night in pain - I've gone for physiotherapy. My hope was that physio would completely heal my wrists.

Unfortunately I never reached the point of total comfort. Wrists take a long time to heal. There is no quick fix. Equally bothersome is the fact that once I start knitting again, the cycle of irritation and pain begins all over again.

This year I'm trying a new approach: Online I've found some hand-stretching exercises for knitters. I do these daily. I've also bought a book on the ergonomics of hand knitting, hoping to learn what I'm doing wrong - what's irritating my hands - and how to correct it.

This may mean learning to knit holding the needles or yarn in a different way... Which makes me wonder if - after so many years of knitting - I can learn to knit in a different way and still enjoy it. My hands have developed their own "muscle memory": Will I be able to change how I knit?

For now, I've taken a break from knitting as I begin to read the book...

(Expect further updates to follow!)

When the Way Ahead Isn't Clear...

"When much is obscure to me, let me be all the more faithful to the little that I can clearly see: When the distant scene is clouded, let me rejoice that at least the next step is plain..." (John Baillie)

Uncertainty is hard to live with, especially when contemplating major life changes, like a career switch or a move (like some I know are contemplating)...

My life is free of major decisions at the moment, but even small ones (like determining how to finish this quilt) require thought...

My strategy? To sit and weigh my options for a while...  (in this case, the fabric options... Do any of the colors I've placed near the quilt jump out at me as interesting fabrics for a border?)

If not, I'll postpone deciding for a while and simply quilt the part that's done...  Eventually the next step will become clear...


If not... after a while, I may ask myself: What's holding me back?! Do I want to do something that seems crazy?! Is that really what I want to do?!

Then I may take a leap of faith and follow my instincts! (Sometimes my instincts are smarter than me!)

I often use the same strategy with major life decisions, when I can't decide what to do. I often make a list of pros and cons... and wait a while. Then I follow my instincts: Same strategy - different situations.

A Day For Righting Wrongs??

A friend who works in retail recently undercharged a customer $100. The bill came to $310. The customer put down three hundred-dollar bills to pay it, and my friend absent-mindedly gave him $90 in change. Only after he had left the store did she realize her error...

She was, of course, angry with herself. Was she becoming absent-minded? Or had she simply not been thinking?

A few weeks later, this same friend woke up one morning with a vivid memory of a time she had inadvertently been undercharged. The bill had come to $75, but the cashier had punched in $7.50, undercharging her credit card. My friend noticed it later... She didn't really want to go back... She didn't. But she kept the bill tucked away in her financial records. She couldn't make herself throw it away.

Her vivid dream clinched it - she would go back and pay the difference. She hunted for the bill and eventually found it. It was 5 years old!

I'm going to feel stupid, she confided to me. But I'm going to pay it.

Do it, I urged her. You don't want to live with a guilty conscience.

I remember a similar experience - a guilty conscience about a financial matter I eventually dealt with... 10 years later! It was so liberating!

There are so many special days on the calendar... Is there a day for righting wrongs? I did a google search, but couldn't find one. The closest was Yom Kippur, the Jewish fast to beg God's forgiveness.

But I couldn't find a day set aside for going back and trying to right wrongs against individuals... or businesses.

Too bad! I sense that there would be a lot more peace and joy in our world if we took the time to ask for - and give - forgiveness. To pay all our little debts, emotional and financial.

If our consciences haven't forgotten these wrong-doings, we aren't free until we also deal with them!

Perfection isn't Necessary! (Even Cracked Pots Have Their Use!)

The pots I made in fall - during my first pottery course - have all been integrated into our home.

The wonky ones are still good for holding things - like spare reading glasses. The uneven plate can holding food that doesn't roll.














The bowl that isn't food-safe, because I didn't mix the glaze enough to properly coat it, can still hold candies wrapped in paper.

Even the wonky one that cracked during firing because the bottom was too thin still looks lovely (I think) in the bathroom holding a candle.

















In other words, pots don't have to be perfect to be useful. In fact, some might argue that their imperfections make them more unique and interesting...


(Is there perhaps a life lesson in this?!)

The Power of Appreciation

St. Benedict was very hard on grumblers. In his rule for community living, he wrote:

First and foremost, there must be no word or sign of the evil of grumbling, no manifestation of it for any reason at all.

I think I know why: Complaining can bring us down. We begin feeling sorry for ourselves... and nothing improves! Morale definitely takes a nosedive. (Though - paradoxically - it's sometimes good to share!)

Appreciation, on the other hand, encourages and strengthens us! I remember learning that lesson when my daughter was two or three and going through the frustrating stage of not wanting to go to bed. Bedtime would come. We would go through our whole bedtime routine: I would read her a story and tuck her in. Then - the moment I would be looking for - a few minutes of peace and quiet to put my feet up and relax. Just as I would sit down, there she would be, standing at the door: I need a drink of water. I can't sleep.

And the whole bedtime routine would have to begin again! After four or five reruns of this scenario, I would be at the end of my rope!

Fortunately, I had a neighbor with a daughter the same age. When I mentioned how frustrating bedtimes had become, she replied: Yes, sometimes when my daughter finally falls asleep, I'm so tired and angry that I have to sit down and force myself to think about all her good qualities - so that I don't go to bed mad at her - and wake up still mad at her the next morning!

Force myself to think about the good... a powerful strategy that restores a calm sense of perspective to any trying situation.

Lesson For Life

A lesson from art class is a lesson for life:

If at first you don't succeed, TRY, TRY, TRY again!















Or as I read recently: "Most of the people who are huge successes failed their way to success. Instead of letting mistakes stop you, let them train you..." (The Confident Woman, p. 45, italics mine.)

Black and White - and Shades of Gray

I grew up in a family that saw life in simple terms. Things were good or bad, right or wrong, black or white - not a lot of psychology there. (Which may not be surprising considering that the field of psychology was a new science. It had not become part of people's thinking at that time.)

I left home at 18 - and have been seeing life in shades of gray ever since!

One of the skills my growing-up years didn't teach me, was how to deal with problems or conflict. You might talk about them, with someone you trusted, not usually a family member - you didn't want to be viewed as "bad." Then you would sweep the issue under the rug, so to speak. But it never really disappeared.

What you didn't do (in my family) was come out and address the concern with the person involved. That was taboo... too emotional. Instead, my mother would say: Dad is upset at you
because... Or my father would angrily tell me, You really upset your mother... I learned, in turn, to say to my brother, Mom is mad because...

In short, we didn't sit down and talk to the person we had an issue with... Instead, we tried to get someone else to mediate... (And when I think of it now, when my mother lamented my leaving home at 18 because I was able to talk to my brother in a way she couldn't, she was really saying that she would miss me as a go-between!)

When I first met my husband, I was looking unconsciously for someone I could actually talk to... who would accept my ideas and feeling without judging me. Someone I could be frank with. Listening was - and still is - his gift. But even he had more to learn...

He enrolled in a counseling program where he took many valuable courses. But one of his most significant learning experiences occurred one day in class when the professor criticized him for something. He came home stung and upset. All week he mulled the comment over in his mind. Why had the professor made such an unkind remark?

He finally decided to confront the professor after the next class.

It's been bothering me all week that you said.... about me, Terry told him.

Oh, I didn't mean it like that, the professor said. I meant that....

(And what he had intended to say was in fact a compliment!)

From that time one, I decided to always confront people if they said something that I felt was unjustified, Terry told me. Sometimes we get angry at people over what we perceive is a slight. When, in fact, we have simply misunderstood what they were trying to say. There's been a total miscommunication. Why not clear the air?!

He's absolutely right - but I can't do it! Confronting people without anger is a skill I've never learned. But I am working on it!

No Turning Back!

The day was windy: a wind warning was in effect. But somehow the squirrels were oblivious to all this. They were still out running around! One little guy seemed relatively new to the game of walking on wires - he paused now and then as he followed his buddy across the icy hydro line, stopping to adjust his grip on the line, his tail waving madly for balance.














Would he fall off?! I grabbed my camera to take a picture, in case he did. (I have never seen one fall off a line...)














But no, he made it safely across... Tenacious? Or foolish? I'm not sure! But one thing is certain, once he got on that wire, there was no turning back! (At the first gust of wind, I probably would have stopped, frozen in my tracks!) Sometimes it's good not to have the time - or wisdom - to think too much!

What Happened Here?!

One of my sons has a friend whose girlfriend has taken up BOXING! Recently my son and the boyfriend went to watch her fight. I don't remember whether she won or lost - but she did get a black eye! Leaving the boxing club after the match, the boxer's boyfriend turned to her and said: I'm really uncomfortable walking down the street with you. Everyone is probably thinking that I gave you that black eye!

Yes... we may agree. But why?!

Perhaps because physical abuse of women and children is in the news - and on our minds.

I remember looking down the street after hearing that one in ten women suffers abuse, and wondering: Where? Could it be happening in this very neighborhood?

So when I noticed a bruise on one neighbor's face, my first thought was that she had been hit... not that she had bumped her head on the cupboard door...

What really happened? I don't know. I didn't ask... (Women who suffer abuse rarely admit it.) But I did lose respect for her husband.

Was I right? I don't know.

It's important to talk about child abuse, spousal abuse, elder abuse, and workplace abuse (to name a few) - and to be (rightly) outraged when they occur. But sometimes I need to step back - and not jump to conclusions - whenever I encounter a perceived wrong. Even though it goes against the grain!

In school and at home, we teach children from an early age to be logical:

• What could happen if you pull a chair away from someone who is going to sit down?
  
• What could happen if you don't look before you cross the street?
  
• What could happen if you play with matches?

In mystery stories, we guess WHODUNIT? - together with HOW? and WHY?

But - in the BEST stories, the answer is often a surprise...

Similarly a girl with the black eye may not be wearing a t-shirt that proclaims: I earned my bruises honestly - I'm a boxer!

Sometimes, even when I'm sure I know what happened, I may just be wrong!

Leave Margins in Your Life...

Sometimes I hear a comment that is exactly what I need to hear..

I heard one today: Fit margins in your life...

In my mind I see a page of student handwriting, all crammed together...

I don't want to waste paper, the student tells me...

But I can't read it - it's too crowded, I tell the student.

Can the same be true of life? Can I be so busy that the purpose of all my activity is lost...?

What do I want to focus on at this stage of my life? I ask myself. Am I accomplishing any of my goals? How do I really want to be spending my time?

I need margins of time to pause and reflect, to keep me on course ... and help me enjoy the journey!

Thoughtful living: a delicate balance.

Killing Time

What are you doing to kill time these days? my 91-year-old mother asked me on the phone recently, after we had exchanged greetings and she had commented on how the cold and snow were making it impossible for her to go outdoors for her daily walk.

To kill time? The expression - which I hadn't heard in years - seemed odd! At her age - and mine - time was certainly no enemy?!

In fact, for me, time was passing all too quickly! My days were full of so many plans... Would I manage accomplish them all?!

These years - when I no longer have to please an employer - are bonus years! Years when I can focus on all the things I enjoy: traveling, writing, visiting family and friends, creating fabric and yarn "art"... I can finally be the "freelance writer" and "artist" I've always wanted to be!

I"m finally living my dream! What pure joy!

So I hang up the phone, my mother's words a sharp reminder to appreciate life, to live each day to the fullest!

(I wonder where the horrible expression - "killing time" - ever came from?!)

A Solemn Warning

I had been working at the military language school for only a short time - back in the 1970s - when one of the teachers announced some sad news: a carload of students, going home for the weekend late one Friday night had all died. After a busy week, they had all fallen asleep... all... including the driver...

I didn't know the students who died, but the news had a profound effect on me, as I realized how easily this kind of preventable accident can happen...

I have reminded my family, again and again, never to leave a driver to stay awake alone... Someone should always keep the driver company... And no driver should ever feel embarrassed to pull over and stop for a nap. Sometimes a 5-minute catnap makes all the difference in the world... And it only takes a moment's inattention to cause an accident.

The lives of all should never depend on one person.














So recently when a friend, on a five-hour trip... alone... hit the guard rail on the side of the road after momentarily falling asleep...














I wanted to pass on the warning...

Fortunately our friend woke up, stopped the vehicle, got out - and was able to continue on her way. The doors on the right side of the vehicle are stuck shut. She may need to buy a new car. But, fortunately, she is alive and well.

The guard-rail probably saved her life... It was a miracle the guard-rail was there... It ended a few feet further along the road...

It was a miracle nothing more serious happened!

Life is a Maze

A friend of mine, who leads a women's group in her church, once used a maze as a metaphor for life. Sharing her personal journey, she compared major decisions she had to make to forks in the road. Would she go this way? Or that? Would she take the path to the left? Or to the right? Or perhaps go straight ahead? She then invited others to share their stories, and many did, often shedding tears as they talked about the decisions that molded their lives.

I began to reflect on my own life journey - and the decisions I made, starting around the time I left high school.

My parents strongly influenced my first major decisions - to attend university, rather than hunt for a job. (Both were immigrants and viewed education as the key to a better life.) They both wanted me to attend the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, where most of my friends were planning to go, because it was relatively close to home. In retrospect, this was probably a mistake for me. The university didn't offer the program I wanted (Journalism) and I endured a purposeless year there, somehow muddling through.

I realized then - beyond a shadow of a doubt - that I had to leave Vancouver (with its interminable rain) and do what I wanted to do...

One thing I really wanted to do was see the world. The only way I could do it - and still satisfy my parents - was to do a year's study abroad. I really wanted to study in France, but I didn't have any connections there. I did have a university friend from Israel who was returning home, so I decided to go there for a year, instead.

(Having followed my parents' well-meaning advice - and ending up miserable, I developed the personal motto: If I have to choose between pleasing others or pleasing myself, I'm going to please myself.)

It sounds selfish now, but at the time I knew it was essential for my emotional survival!

(How did Shakespeare put it...? "To thine own self be true...")

Mid-way through my year in Israel, I realized I could never go back to Vancouver. Why would I? I had been so unhappy there - and I was so happy in Jerusalem, a multi-cultural, multi-religious city where I found everything ... its ancient history, its present history, its religious practices ... so utterly fascinating.

My parents were devastated. They could accept a year abroad - but now, two more?! They tried to change my mind. A flurry of letters flew across the Atlantic... And when that failed, they uttered the ultimate threat to a 20-year-old student: If you stay in Israel, we will no longer support you financially.

Fine, I replied. I'll take out a student loan.

And that's what I did, supplementing it with part-time jobs.

I knew it was the right thing to do because I was happy!

And I did survive! And graduate...

Later - in my maze of life - there were other critical decisions, too numerous to mention:

• To return to Canada after completing my BA or stay in Israel? (I chose to stay...)
  
• To abandon my religious faith, ignore it, or affirm it...?
  
• To return to Canada or to try to live in Europe...? When working in Europe didn't seem feasible, I moved to Montreal, which had elements of both...

And so the decisions continued, bringing me to where I am right now... And (thankfully) right here is where I want to be!

I remember (when I was a child) my grade five teacher asking us to draw the house we wanted to live in when we grew up. Perhaps she thought we'd create futuristic homes in outer space or under the sea. I remember drawing a simple house, surrounded by a forest of trees. In it I would spend my time writing stories...

Sometimes, as I sit here on the living room sofa with my laptop - typing my blogs - I glance out the window at TREES all around, blocking neighbors' houses. I remember that picture and remind myself: This is where I wanted to be, even back then when I was 11!

Follow my "inner compass" brought me "home."

To my friend's metaphor of life being a maze, I'd like to add my own: My life is like a garment I have to wear: It has to be comfortable to me... It has to feel right! (And I'm the only one who knows how it feels...)

When I do wear it - wherever stage of life I am in - I will feel comfortably at home...

Are We Having Fun Yet?!

Recently I spent an evening with a group of young women, one of whom had brought her four-month-old baby.

As the baby charmed us, by cooing and smiling - and a few minutes later was fussing and gnawing on her fist (teething?) - and then (a few minutes later) laughing and smiling again - I was reminded of the baby years that I went through with each of my three children.

I was so looking forward to those baby years... I love babies and I loved this period of life... most of the time. But every day - every hour sometimes - had its ups and downs! Some days, some hours I was extremely tired and grumpy (having been awakened too early by a little person needing my attention). But mingled with the "downs" of trying to comfort a crying infant or changing yet another dirty diaper, there were those moments of pure ecstasy, the pure joy of mother- baby love.

In many ways life (for me) has always been a little like that: I look for the perfect moments - at work, at home, on vacation. But mixed in with all my wonderful times are moments of frustration, impatience, and even anger.

Reflecting on my moments of disappointment, two thoughts jump out at me:

"To travel hopefully is better than to arrive," Robert Louis Stevenson reminds me.

"Getting there isn't half the fun - it's all the fun," I read recently in a book about running your own business.

The joy, the fun isn't there and then - it's here and now.

Maybe, when I'm experiencing a less-than-fun moment, I need to ask myself:

What would make this fun?

Maybe it is as simple as taking myself less seriously. Maybe it's not the situation - but my intensity, my attitude - that needs to change...

Maybe, if I'm not having fun, I have no one but myself to blame...

Guilty with an Explanation

I don't get many parking tickets. But the other day I did...














My mother (who has osteoporosis) injured her foot while getting off a small bus... Simply stepping down to the ground gave her two stress fractures that pain her when she walks. So her doctor sent her for a bone scan, to discover if - despite medication - her osteoporosis has worsened.

That's how I found myself at the hospital the other day - looking for a parking space near the entrance... The parking garage, where I usually park, was a bit of a trek - too far for my mother to walk.

My mother has a permit for handicapped parking spots. I found one in a good location - with metered parking - and left to hunt for a wheelchair. My mother got into the wheelchair, I put enough money in the meter for an hour's parking and left.

In the nuclear medicine department, dye was injected into my mother's body and we were told to return several hours later.

We drove off to have a cup of tea. On our return, we found another handicapped parking spot and repeated the whole process... paid for an hour, looked for a wheelchair...

This time the appointment took longer than expected. Around the time the meter was expiring, I glanced at my watch and wondered what to do. There I was, holding my mother's clothing and valuables. (She was down the hall in a gigantic machine, wearing a hospital gown.) At any time she might emerge from the test - bewildered (if not panic-stricken) if I weren't there...

I had heard that people with handicapped parking permits could park for free at city meters... I had never tried so I wasn't sure if it was true, but - under the circumstances - I decided to chance it, hoping we would be okay.

Forty-five minutes later, when we returned to the car - there was the ticket on the windshield ... a $55 fine - which would become $70 if we failed to pay it before the due date. The city obviously plays hard ball!

I was clearly guilty - but I also felt a a little let down... It was the end of a long and tiring appointment ... now this!

My husband once fought a parking ticket by going to court and pleading "guilty with an explanation." (He reminds me that I insisted he go and stand up for his rights!) He was lucky and got off - some were given reduced fines - others had to pay up.

Should I go to city hall to appeal this ticket - or just pay it...? Is it worth the extra effort (physical and emotional) that going before a judge would entail? (I would also have to pay for parking while I was there!)

I used to be a fighter... passionately defending my rights whenever I felt wronged, or even slightly misunderstood!

But now the energy is gone! I'm just tired!