Birthday of a Childhood Friend

Today is the birthday of a childhood friend I've kept in touch with over the years.

We lived two houses down from each other in Red Deer, Alberta, when we were 7 and 9 years old.

When my family moved to Kelowna, BC, we continued visiting back and forth in summer. Eventually Jean and her husband moved to British Columbia as well. Though we didn’t live close to each other, we kept in touch. We also both started quilting.

Jean later taught quilting in her community, where she opened a sewing machine and fabric store.

The last few years have been challenging for her, health-wise. Nonetheless her death, shortly before Christmas was a shock.

So instead of wishing my childhood friend "happy birthday" - as I have for many years now, knowing she reads my blog.... I'm reflecting on how her friendship enriched my life.

Looking back on those mostly carefree days of childhood, I'm reminded that every stage of life comes and goes. Good health - and good friends - are two of the best gifts of all.

A Caring Friend

My mother moved to Ottawa when she was in her 80’s. It was a difficult transition for her - to suddenly find herself in a totally new - much larger - city, far from her friends in Kelowna, the city she had called home for over 40 years.

One of the things that she loved was receiving regular letters - in envelopes full of photos and  newspaper clippings - from her good friend Millie, back home.

As I sort through my mother’s papers this winter, I’m reminded of Millie and her thoughtful “care packages” - that brought more joy to my mother than she will ever know.

Visiting Friends

This past week - for the first time - I have actually ventured out to visit friends I haven't seen in months - ever since social distancing began in mid-March.

Is life slowly returning to normal?

No, not normal... Not yet...

But as the number of new coronavirus cases diminishes in our community, it has been nice to sit (six feet apart) in someone else's back yard and chat.

This is so lovely, one of them said after an hour's visit... We need to do this as much as we can before winter arrives. If we're still social distancing next winter, we won't be able to do this on a snowy day!

Staying Connected While Social Distancing

These days of physical (social) distancing  to avoid spreading the COVID-19 virus, it's easy to feel cut off from friends and family.

Fortunately, we can phone, email, message, skype and FaceTime to stay in touch.

I think it's important to talk to a few friends every day... We're in this together.

Most days one of my kids sends me a funny video.

But I was also happy to receive a phone call from our church community, asking if we needed anything...

I'm so glad they are doing that! It's easy to feel forgotten and alone.

It's Hard to Get Rid of Old Cards...

One of my goals this summer is to go through filing cabinet drawers and shred or toss papers we no longer need... (This is no easy task: We have five filing cabinets!)

Among the papers are bundles of cards and letters my mother treasured and brought with her when she moved to Ontario at the age of 83: Lots of birthday cards, a few souvenirs from her own wedding, and a large bundle of sympathy cards she received when my father died.

Marie Kondo (the Japanese organizing guru) suggests that when getting rid of sentimental "clutter," one should take time to appreciate the friends and occasions that the cards (or gifts) represent. Then say good-bye.

As I read the cards, I am reminded that my parents enjoyed a large network of friends and family. What a treasure!

But there is also nostalgia here... In the bundles I've encountered cards from people I knew well, too. Many of them, my parents' generation, are no longer alive - like my godmother, Ruth and other close family friends.

Seeing their handwriting and comments brings back such strong emotion that I have to resist the urge to dig through the recycle bin and retrieve the cards.

Saying good-bye is never easy.

What are the Chances?!

One of my goals in retirement has been to learn more about the history of Christianity.

To that end, during Lent this year, I started reading a book of ancient writings and sermons. The translation is recent, so the texts sound modern. I often find it hard to believe that some of this stuff was written over 1000 years ago.

From time to time I come across religious writers I don't know - so I google these ancient authors... as I did when I encountered the name "Pseudo-Athanasius."

My search for information about Pseudo-Athanasius led me to an academic website: Academia.edu (where university students can upload their research papers for all to read). But in order to read the texts, you have to create an account and sign in. So that's what I did.

At one point, there was an option: "login with Facebook." I remember pausing... Do I want Facebook announcing that I am part of Academia.edu? But I must have pressed the button.

To my surprise, the following day I received an email message telling me that I had a "follower" on Academia.edu - someone who could see what research papers I had read...

A follower?! I looked at the name and recognized someone I had briefly shared an apartment with in my single days. I had later also been a bridesmaid at her wedding. But I haven't seen her in years. Now we don't even live on the same continent... But we are connected on Facebook.

This whole interaction seemed surreal... 

I randomly discover an obscure website. And within a day, I'm sharing reading lists with a friend from my distant past...

I mean... 

What are the chances?!!

Lost!

About a month ago - when I received my first Christmas card of the season - I pulled out my cards to send them to friends. It was then that I discovered that my address book was missing!

I hunted for it  - but only found several old ones... that date back 20 years and more.

I also found an unused one... Time to add addresses from cards I receive in the mail this year...

I managed to send a few Christmas cards - to relatives and friends who hadn't moved in the last 20 years (whose addresses were still in my old books, above). I started to add addresses to the new book...

But I kept wondering about the book I had lost.

When I tried to remember the last time I had used the book, it occurred to me that I'd had it in Montreal on our last trip there.

Terry checked the glove box and the back seat - and, sure enough, it was in one of the pockets in the back seat!

(But by then, it was too late to send out Christmas wishes!)

Meeting Baby Emerson

A few weeks ago, I attended a baby shower for the daughter of a friend, a girl I've known since she was a child. A few days later, her baby boy arrived... a few days early.

It was lovely to meet little Emerson recently, now four weeks old...

(In comparison, our four month old granddaughter looks so much bigger!)

They do grow big fast!

Another Sorting Treasure

The past few months have been "sorting season" for me as I try to get rid of lots of things we no longer need.

Going through old cards and mementos, I came across an old wedding invitation. I didn't remember attending the wedding... Why not?!

I see... It happened around the time we were expecting our first child!

But we did see the couple a few times since and even met their children. But we hadn't been in touch for at least a dozen years.

Where might they live now? There must be an internet link... So I googled ... and "struck gold"!

An email followed, then a quick response. A few minutes later, a very surprized Carol and I were "chatting" - typing messages back and forth.

Hopefully we'll be in touch again soon.

Another internet success story: Facebook and email reconnecting old friends!

Not Knowing, Not Curing, Not Healing

When my kids - or my husband - jokingly call me "doctor," I know I have offered too much advice, whether personal or medical. It's so easy for me to do! (And isn't that what mothers are supposed to do? Wasn't the first wife called a HELP-mate?!)

But if I am honest, I have to admit that I also don't like to be told how to live my life, though I do appreciate being listened to... and feeling understood.

Which is why these words of Henri Nouwen jump out when I read them:

"... when we honestly ask ourselves which persons in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not-knowing, not-curing, not-healing, and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is the friend who cares."

 (Out of Solitude, p. 38)

Flowers, Food and Friends

I always enjoy visiting Vera.














Her house overflows with plants...














... and good cheer.

And she enjoys hosting parties...














... like her "almost-annual" alumni reunion...

...  a pot-luck party for those of us who worked together for many, many years. Such a great idea!

Free Gifts We Can Give - Every Day

When our children were young, they would often give us "coupons" as gifts... A coupon valid for washing the dishes, another for vacuuming the living room, another for accompanying us on a walk... Sometimes there was one for a hug to cheer us up! We were always happy to receive their hand-written coupon "books," stapled together, full of offers to do chores that our children didn't necessarily like doing but were willing to do as a gift...

We cherished these coupons, not only for the "work" they were offering to do, but for the time and energy they put into thinking about what help we might appreciate and then creating the coupons. (I looked for some I may have kept as "souvenirs" of those childhood days - but I must have used the coupons all up!)

Joyce Meyer's daily devotional, Love Out Loud, made me think of those childhood gifts of time and effort because, in her entry for January 20, she lists acts of kindness we can do for each other every day to "love out loud."

We can...

• Watch over one another
• Pray for one another
• Look for kindnesses we can express to others
• Be friendly and hospitable [Elsewhere I remember her saying that friendliness is a form of hospitality...]
  
• Be patient with one another
• Bear with other's faults and weaknesses
• Give others the benefit of the doubt
• Encourage one another
• Be loyal to one another
• Be happy for people when they are blessed
• Keep people's secrets and don't tell their faults
• Believe the best of one another

It's easy to forget that the best gift we can offer is a bit of ourselves - our time and effort. And - as our children realized in those days when allowances didn't go far in gift purchasing... helping someone is not only fun (and appreciated)... it's totally FREE!

Tourist in My Own Town...

When do I visit Ottawa's Parliament Buildings?...














Or gaze at the nearby American Embassy?














Or watch the sun set on the Ottawa River?














When out-of-town friends visit, of course!
This year, an interesting twist...

Norma and I have known each other for more years than either of us wants to count... But this visit - while talking about Facebook friends - we discovered an interesting connection... Her cousin's daughter recently married my cousin's nephew... (I think that's how it goes...)

After all these years... does that mean that we are now related?!!

Hamburger Soup

I rarely follow a recipe. Early in our marriage, Terry was disappointed to discover that I hadn't followed the instructions on the package - and a fondly-anticipated lemon meringue pie (his favorite) was lumpy! Later on, my kids discovered (at times with embarrassment) that our Kraft Macaroni and Cheese tasted different (probably because I used half the margarine called for)!!

I always admired Aliza, my Israeli neighbor - who told me she had learned to cook by reading a few cookbooks, to get the general idea of what to do. Then she never opened a cookbook again!

I use cookbooks - but I usually compare several recipes - to assess which call for ingredients I have on hand. The end result vaguely resembles them all. (Which is why I love the internet! So many recipes to peruse!)

Here is a Hamburger Soup recipe I made up after skimming half a dozen recipes on the internet. I found it tasty, so here is my recipe... (Of course, you can change any part of it yourself!)














Hamburger Soup

1. Brown approximately half a pound / 250 grams of ground beef.
2. Add a small onion, chopped. Continue to brown.
3. Add half a green or red pepper, chopped. Continue to brown.
4. Peel one large carrot - cut it into smallish pieces - and add to the browning mixture.
5. Add one large tomato. If it is fresh, cut it into pieces. If it is frozen, just throw the whole thing in. (I freeze whole tomatoes in the summer which I later use for cooking.)
6. Add 4 cups of water or veggie broth (water drained from boiled vegetables.)
7. Add a teaspoon of chopped garlic (I buy garlic pre-chopped - in jars.)
8. Sprinkle bouillon powder (1 package or cube) over the soup and mix in.
9. Drain one can of chick peas or beans and add the drained peas / beans to the soup.
10. Sprinkle other spices on top to taste: pepper, paprika, etc. (I rarely add salt when cooking - it can be added later to taste.)
11. Let the soup simmer for an hour or so.

ENJOY!

Life's Basics

Aliza, my Israeli neighbor, was born into a wealthy family in Europe. Her parents led an active social life and were often away, leaving her in the care of a trusted, beloved housekeeper, who was a second mother to her.

She hadn't been neglected - but she had felt deprived - deprived of her parents' love. A poor little rich girl, she had everything she craved, everything except her parents' time and attention.

Later in life, as a mother and grandmother, she would wistfully look back on her childhood and comment...

Money - what's it worth? How many beds can you sleep on? How many meals can you eat?

Prayer for 2 Husbands

On a recent trip to Israel, I visited the Western Wall - formerly called the Wailing Wall - a sacred Jewish prayer site.

It was Rosh Ha-Shana, the Jewish New Year, so the place was bustling.

When I looked at the people praying beside the wall, I thought of Aliza, my next door neighbor when I lived in Jerusalem. She was not a conventionally religious person - she did not keep a kosher kitchen, for example - but she had a very deep faith in God.

One Friday evening, the eve of the Sabbath, she told me, I went to the Wall to pray that my daughter will find a good husband - and I prayed that you will, too.

She added: I put my prayers on a piece of paper and stuck them in the cracks between the rocks.
This last part in Hebrew was "Samti petek" - (literally, I put a note.)

For weeks, if not months, she continued this practice. Again and again, she would tell me: Samti petek... and I would smile.

Eventually her daughter moved to New York City, and I returned to Canada.

Was it co-incidence that both she and I met our husbands not long afterward?