Decreasing Stress

This summer, I've been listening to audio books while working on "mindless" projects, like knitting and organizing parts of the house.

I'm currently listening to a library copy of Joyce Meyer's book, Over Load, a Christian self-help book about dealing with stress.

Will this book have anything to teach me? I wondered. My life is no longer as stressful as it once was. After all, I can choose what I want and don't want to do, every day now that I'm retired.






But I have picked up a few tips. Here are a few that I jotted down:

1. Be thankful and say so - it will change the atmosphere we live in - and increase our joy.

2. Be a person who encourages others.

3. Rather than rehearse our problems (or our aches and pains), remember the problems we've come through - and count our blessings. Think and talk about God's goodness.

4. Don't compare ourselves to others. Other people's gifts are a benefit to us and the world, but we can only enjoy them if we aren't jealous.

5. Worry decreases when we speak and hear hope-filled words.

As I listen to the book, I am reminded of my mother's positive attitude, even during the last few years of her life.

This is a good place to be when you need help, she'd say of the nursing home where she lived. The people are kind, the food is good. They look after us very well.

I knew they did - but her words helped me accept her declining health: I knew she was happy.

When Facing Discouragement...

I came across an interesting strategy this past week - two questions to ask when feeling discouraged. Rather than beating ourselves up with negative self-talk, asking: Why can't I just do this?

Ask:

"What can I do right now that I can be proud of?
What can I do right now that will help a little bit?"

(Then do it... right now!)

The power of immediately doing something - even something small - is that it encourages us to keep going so that we don't waste time wallowing in self-pity. We feel better - and the situation improves... immediately.

The suggestion comes in a book I am currently reading: The Diet Fix: Why Diets Fail and How to Make Yours Work.

For years I have been trying to manage my 2 diabetes without medication - by simply exercising more, watching what I eat, and monitoring my glucose levels with daily testing. This daily discipline is a constant struggle, so I am easily discouraged when, despite all my efforts, I don't seem to be doing well. This past winter my readings were higher than they have been in years - possibly because icy sidewalks prevented me from getting out and walking much. My doctor recommended this book and referred me to a specialist.

(I bought the book - in hopes of "fixing" my problem before I see the specialist!)

The book has been very helpful. I wanted to share this strategy as it works in any areas of life where we feel discouraged: "If you're unhappy with yourself and the circumstances you find yourself in, ... take a step back to think about how you can answer these questions." (p. 120)

Every small steps that helps, even a little bit is a move in the right direction!

Speak Out Your Plans?

A while back I read the autobiography of Mary Kay, the creator of the cosmetics line that bears her name. I was more interested in her personal business style than in her cosmetics. Having seen her interviewed on television, I was impressed by her determination... and her success.

I don't remember much about the book - except for one idea that I've thought about a lot: In her book, Mary Kay mentions that a motivational strategy she used to FORCE HERSELF to carry through with her ideas was to TELL people HER PLANS. Telling others that she planned to do this or that MADE HER FOLLOW THROUGH and DO IT.

Ever since reading that, I have wondered: Is that the difference between the doers and the dreamers?! Are all successful people like that? Do they boast of what they plan to achieve before they reach their goals?

My own style is so different! I keep my plans secret - for fear of not carrying them through! I only tell people what I have done once I've done it!

Is that why I'm not as driven... or as successful in business as... Mary Kay?!

Is it fear on my part? Or the caution that stems from the Biblical proverb: "Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring"?

Finding a Job that You Love...

Finding work we love is one of the most important personal quests we have the luxury to make. I say "luxury" because in some parts of the world people don't have a choice in the work they do - they work to meet the needs of the people who depend on them, doing whatever job is available to them. And sometimes their families dictate what they do. It used to be that way in many of our families in generations past, but most of us nowadays (in North America and Europe, anyway) have the luxury of looking for work that gives us a sense of personal fulfillment.

From my experience (as an adult educator and a career quest-er myself), there are several critical questions to consider:

• What do I enjoy doing enough to spend all day long five (or six) days a week doing it?

• How much money do I want to earn? (Or perhaps, what lifestyle do I want?)

• Where do I want to live?
  

What would I enjoy doing?

Enjoying one's work is one of the greatest gifts a person can have. How can we discover what we would like to do ... all day every day?

One of the most useful resources I ever came across to help me assess what I enjoy doing is a book called What Color is Your Parachute? by Richard Nelson Bolles. It provides thinking exercises aimed at making a person reflect on what they have done in the past that gave them a sense of joy and satisfaction.

Doing these exercises while taking a break from teaching, when my children were young, rekindled my interest in writing. I had considered journalism as a career when I was in high school, but my university experience quickly squelched that dream: I concluded that my writing wasn't good enough for me to be a professional writer. Recalling how much pleasure I had derived from writing (while I was doing the exercises in the Parachute book) encouraged me to consider writing again.

Another way to discover what we truly enjoy doing is to work in a field, preferably before spending 2 or 3 years studying (and then discovering that we don't like the reality of the workplace). I met a young woman recently who was studying law here in Ottawa, after spending several years working for the government. But midway through her studies, she realized she didn't want to be a lawyer either, though she planned to finish. Another young woman I know was fascinated by the idea of creating animations - but when she completed her studies and began to work in the field, she realized she hated sitting in front of a computer all day long, staring at the screen. She also discovered that working with many others on a large animation project - even an artistic one - did not give her a sense of personal satisfaction, as she was one of many "cogs" in the production "wheel."

Internships can give us a taste for the reality of the workplace. I tried one after taking numerous writing courses. One summer I did a brief journalism internship at one of our local newspapers. Was this to be my big break into journalism?! My three weeks at the Ottawa Citizen demystified the journalism process, but I also discovered that, as much as I derived pleasure from writing, I didn't want daily writing assignments which could be edited away if space that day were limited - or if a bigger story came up. I also didn't want to interview people who had just experienced a tragic event, sit at the courtroom, or dig through government data - to get a news story...

So I went back to teaching - realizing that I did love my daily interaction with students, much as I hated the endless marking!

As a teacher, I encouraged my students to try on-the-job learning. Our school had an active co-operative education program, and I recommended it to many. One of my students told me she planned to study nursing, so I encouraged her to do a five-month work placement in a nursing home, as one of her courses, to see how she liked the medical field.

How is it going? I asked her one day.

I can't wait for it to end, she replied. I hated hospitals when my mother was sick. But I thought I had gotten over that. Now I see that I still can't handle seeing so many sick people. I definitely can't be a nurse.

She changed her career plans and became an accountant.

Having seen many students change their career plans after experiencing the reality of the work place, I am a great believer in internships, summer jobs, part-time employment, volunteering and student work placements - anything that gives one a taste of the reality of the workplace environment.

How much money do I want to earn?

This may seem like a strange question! As much as possible, of course! But the reality is that not all jobs earn the same pay! So if your goal is, for example, to "help street people," you may earn minimum wage, working somewhere like a drop-in center for the homeless (where many workers may be volunteers). You will earn more as a social worker (though you probably still won't drive a Mercedes Benz and live in an upscale neighborhood). Your chances of getting rich would be better if you were a lawyer, perhaps on the board of directors for a shelter for the homeless, or owned a successful business - where you could partner with organizations that help homeless people get back into the workforce.

I remember reading about a man whose dream was to be a professional dancer - but he realized that (given his talent) he couldn't earn enough money to live. But he didn't give up his dream. Instead, he found a job that met his financial needs yet gave him the flexibility to pursue dancing in a serious way, though not as his main source of income. Artists, actors and writers often do the same thing.

Realizing this was liberating for me: I could still be a writer - yet not depend on it for my family's financial needs. So I wrote part-time, not earning a lot, but satisfying my creative urge to write.

Finally, where do I want to live?

Every job has a location. When I was studying at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, there were a lot of engineering students on campus, many studying mining engineering. But if you become a mining engineer, you will probably spend your life living near a mine in the mountains... Similarly, if you want to work in publishing, you will probably only find work in a major publishing center like Toronto or New York...

It may not seem important, but I have heard of marriages breaking up because one partner didn't want to live where the other needed to work... Of course, some jobs (medical, educational, mechanical, and so on) are needed everywhere!

It isn't easy to find the perfect job - but it is worth the effort to try!

Be of Good Cheer!

Not long ago, I was feeling a little down... Rainy days do that to me. (And we've had plenty of those the past few weeks...) Perhaps it was realizing that summer was over - days were getting shorter - and my period of winter "hibernation" indoors was soon to begin.

Then the words BE OF GOOD CHEER popped into my mind. Where do they come from? The Bible, perhaps? I did a quick google search (What would I do without Google?!) and discovered - according to one reference - that this expression appears 7 times in the Bible, always during times of adversity. The expression is found in other quotes as well. The website, Thinkexist.com, - lists some by Helen Keller, Bill Clinton and others.














So I wrote BE OF GOOD CHEER down on a scrap of paper and put it beside my "reading chair" - the place where I have my first cup of coffee in the morning, as I read and reflect on my day.

Is it possible that I can choose to be cheerful and optimistic? It seems to be the case - because when I look at my little reminder, I smile. I want to be happy because - whatever the weather outside - I contribute to the indoor climate of my home... I live here... so I want it to be a pleasant, cheerful place.

Are happiness (and grumpiness) attitudes I can cultivate by choice?

I can't think of any place in the Bible where God commands us to be sad... And the beauty of nature (even in the rain!) usually fills me with amazement, not sadness - if I stop to think about it. Problems at times overwhelm me, but I can be sad even when things are going right! And if they're not... God reminds us (in the Old Testament book of Exodus) that He can make paths through the sea and create springs of water - to satisfy thousands - in the desert, figuratively as well as literally...

Sometimes I'm unhappy when nothing is going wrong! All I need for my mood to change is for my husband to remind me to Count my blessings!

Maybe that's it - to be cheerful I need to look up, beyond myself. Then do something that gives me joy - like bake a cake - and perhaps share its deliciousness with someone else!

And then there's the choice component of it... Perhaps cheerfulness - like peace - sometimes requires a little effort! ... Especially in the rain!

Buying Time

Time is the one thing we often need the most, and they say you can't buy it, a friend commented one day. But I've discovered that by bringing home prepared food, when I'm busy, I am buying time - the time it would take me to shop, cook and clean up. That is one way I actually "buy time." Now I don't feel guilty about not cooking when I'm busy. By bringing home pizza - or anything else - for supper, I'm buying time to spend with my family instead!

And emotional well-being, if cooking at the end of a long day stresses you out!

That comment changed the way I (then a working mother) viewed take-out food... and ended my sense of guilt whenever I chose to "buy time" by bringing home prepared food rather than to cook.

There were other ways I "bought time" in the busy years when I worked full-time and my kids were teenagers. At one point each one was assigned a night to prepare supper for the family. To add to the privilege of being able to choose what we would eat, they were also given the car and money to purchase whatever they needed. They were learning about meal preparation, and I was "buying time."

Recently, I heard a similar comment shared by a successful entrepreneur: In your business, go with your strengths and buy your weaknesses...

I have a very small book-selling business - but every year I spend one or two very long, stressful days calculating and re-calculating my business taxes. (I've discovered that one small error - like a number written on the wrong line - can take years to correct when dealing with government bureaucracy!) Maybe it's time to see a professional accountant, not only to buy time, but alleviate my annual tax-time stress!

And the little jobs I'd like to see done around the house - like painting the halls - which I can't bear to start, because I know house painting is always a bigger job than it looks! Well, maybe I need to think of bringing in a professional to do that as well!

Decluttering the Mind

Occasionally a self-help book becomes a summer reading project for me, as I slowly digest the book, daily reflecting on a portion, trying to apply it to my life. A few summers ago, I read The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People over the course of a summer, and I was never quite the same.

A few days ago, an online book review caught my eye. Always on the lookout for articles with suggestions for easing household clutter, I was drawn to the title, which suggested that not only our living spaces - but also our minds - needed to be decluttered! Intrigued, I read the review and jotted down a few notes.

Now I have a summer plan: I plan to reflect on the topics mentioned in the review: relationships, finances, work, family, health, and others important to me such as my faith in God and my role in the church community. I hope to define a vision of how I'd like these to be - what's getting in the way - and to think about (and perhaps make) small changes to achieve my goals. The review talks about the importance of living in the present, facing fears and celebrating successes. I think I'll try to reflect and journal - regularly, if not daily - about some aspect of these topics - to see if my life, my actions, are really in tune with my inner desires for this stage of life...

And when I've done all that, I may even read the book the reviewer was talking about: Enough Already! Clearing the Mental Clutter to Become the Best You by cleaning guru Peter Walsh!

Our lives do become cluttered! Sometimes we are not really in control of situations we find ourselves in. At other times, we have responsibilities that overturn personal plans, hopes and desires. So when we do find a gap of time - like a relaxing summer - it is useful to spend time reflecting on how we really want to be spending time and emotional energy. At least, I have found it helpful from time to time to try to "declutter" my mind.