Looking Back

Today is my mother's birthday. 

A while back, I came scross these photos from 2010, taken on her 91st birthday. 

My three kids were there - together with my daughter-in-law, Natalie.

A group of us had lunch with her at her retirement residence. 

My brother and his wife had brought along, from Texas, my sister-in-law's niece and her new husband. 

My brother always liked to bring friends with him. He enjoyed showing off Canada!

Fun times! Great memories!

My Mother's Healthy Habits

Looking back eight years today, to October 30, 2016, the day my mother left us, after a very brief illness (one weekend) ... at the ripe age of 97. 

Thinking about my mother's long life, I have been reflecting on some of her habits - her "rules of life" - though she didn't call them that. Perhaps I should put more effort into emulating some of them. They led to her good health - and happiness - to the end. 

Here are some that stand out in my mind:

1. "Drink 8 glasses of water a day" was part of her regular routine. According to doctors in the nursing home, this habit definitely enhanced her health. 
2. "An apple a day keeps the doctor away," was another of her rules for healthy living. When she could no longer bite down on a crunchy apple, she switched to apple sauce! I recently read that apples are one of the best fruits to lower high blood sugar.
3. She tried to walk 10,000 steps a day - in a nearby mall - or back and forth in the hall of her apartment building, during inclement weather.

She also cultivated attitudes that gave her a sense of peace:

1. "Life is a constant change," she'd often say. Did reminding herself of this make changes easier to accept?
2. She rarely talked about the past. I can't remember her ever saying how much better life USED TO be. Instead, she faced each day with enthusiasm about what the day had in store.
3. She enjoyed learning new things and was up for challenges - gathering friends together for in her apartment for games of scrabble; later, in the nursing home never missing a game of BINGO.
4. "One day at a time" was a mantra she'd often repeat - when tempted to worry.
5. Going to church was always an important part of her life. Her strong Christian faith and prayers became part of the fabric of her everyday. Her father (who died when she was 2) had been the church choir master. Although she had no memories of him, she inherited his love of music. Even in her latter years in the nursing home, she looked forward to music programs and worship services.  Singing hymns and participating in sing-alongs filled her with optimism and joy.

Looking Back

Today is my mother’s birthday. Here is a picture taken at her 75th birthday in Kelowna, a months and a half after my father died. 

At the table with Terry and me are her brother Stan and his wife Pat. (Stan celebrated his 90th birthday a few months ago…)

Born in 1919 - 103 years ago - my mother lived long enough to meet my granddaughter, her first great-granddaughter. She already had four great-grandsons in Texas, my brother’s grandchildren.

Here is another birthday picture of her - in her 90’s, with my daughter - when she lived here in Ottawa. When I think of her, moving across the country (from British Columbia to Ontario) in her 80’s, I realize how adaptable she was until the end.

Historic Cemetery

Terry and I recently visited a historic cemetery in our part of town…

Over the years the city has grown up all around it.

We’ve driven past it many times, but never stopped to look around.

The columbarium where my mother’s ashes lie - inside a church a few miles away - may be moved here within the next year. 

So we came to visit the site.

Remembering My Mother's Ottawa Homes

A few weeks ago, I was thinking about my mother's fourteen years here in Ottawa, reflecting how each of the three places she had lived provided so well for her needs of the time...

Her first seven years here, she lived alone in a one-bedroom apartment across the street from a shopping mall that she visited daily. She was part of an indoor "walking club"... Her goal: to walk 10,000 steps a day.

When she wasn't at the mall, she enjoyed watching activities on the street from her 8th-floor apartment.

Eventually she had a hard time sorting out her medication, so she moved from her one-bedroom apartment to a bachelor suite in an assisted living residence across the road from one of my favorite parks in the city. 

I imagined her taking walks in the park - but she never did. She did, however, enjoy the extra social activities provided by the residence. 

After three and a half years, she moved into the nursing home very close to our house, where she lived for four years. The people were wonderful there. She often said: This is a good place to be if you need help.

Wherever she lived, she made an effort to be happy - and, after a brief time of adjustment, she always was.

My Mother's Memory: November 7, 1964

I recently came across an old photograph my mother sent me for Christmas the year I was a university student in Vancouver.

It’s a photo of her taken on November 7, 1964, the  day she graduated from the University of Alberta with her bachelor of education degree. 

The degree was a long time in coming. When she first decided to become a teacher, she took a one-year teaching program at teachers' college, which was then called "normal school." Her diploma qualified her to teach elementary school. Later on, when she began to teach high school "home economics," she needed a university degree. To achieve this, she took 6-week courses at the University of Alberta most summers - until she had enough credits to graduate.

So for her, graduating was a momentous occasion. She had put so many years into her studies. Finally she was free to have a total summer vacation!

When I heard that my father and brother were driving to Edmonton with her for her graduation ceremony, I was disappointed. I wanted to go, too! Her studies had impacted us all... 

But I had begun my own studies and needed to stay in Vancouver... 

For the first time I realized that, as much as I was ready to have fun without my family, I wasn't ready for them to have fun without me!

Thankful

My mother died four years ago today... It was a sad day for all of us who knew her. But, looking back, I am thankful for all the good in the midst of the sadness of that last day.

Thankful that she spent only one day - a Sunday - in the hospital. We had seen her the night before in the nursing home. She had a fever. Was she coming down with a cold? I remember wondering. It was unusual for her to be sick.  Then at 5 am,nursing home staff called to say she had been sent to the hospital by ambulance. Her blood pressure was low and her heart was racing... We headed over to the hospital and were waiting in her room when she arrive back from tests...

I did not expect this to be her last day, so I was in shock...

But looking back now, I am appreciative of so many good things the day included:

• Because it was a Sunday, our son who lives in Ottawa was off work, so he was able to spend the day at the hospital with us. 
• One of my cousins (from Edmonton) was in town taking a course and (because it was Sunday) she wast able to spend a few hours at the hospital with us, too.
• I didn't say much to my mother because I had a hard time understanding her speech. (She wasn't wearing her dentures.) But when I called my brother and he spoke to her, her speech was clear. Later my two nephews phoned from Texas and she spoke (clearly) to both.
• One of our friends, who is a nurse, was working in a nearby ward. She dropped in from time to time...
• The hospital staff were kind and compassionate.

Now her ashes lie in a columbarium  niche in a church near our home, so we can visit whenever we want. 

She had regularly attended the weekly religious service that this church's pastoral team held in the nursing home. They knew her. They were her last church community. So it seems appropriate to me that her ashes have been laid to rest in a chapel in that community. 

My Mother’s Favourite Jewelry

My mother didn't have much jewelry: none of great monetary value. But she wore two pieces a lot.

One was a heart-shaped locket that was a gift from my father.

She wore it in her wedding day...

Both their pictures are inside.

The second was a clock “necklace” that she bought to commemorate her graduation with a B.Ed. from the University of Alberta in 1964.

When she finally graduated, she had been teaching for years. Before starting to teach, she completed one year of teacher training. At the time, that sufficed for teaching elementary school. But when she started teaching home economics, she became a high school teacher and needed a degree.

To accomplish this, now that she was married with two children and a full-time job, she spent six weeks every other summer, taking two courses at a time at summer school. That's how she completed her bachelor of education degree.

It took many years to accomplish.

Both pieces of jewelry had a lot of meaning to her: they are well-worn from constant wear.

My Mother's Nursing Home

I occasionally walk past the nursing home where my mother lived for four years.

This spring they added a large screened room for outdoor visits, to the left of the main entrance. I often see people sitting inside.

How have things been in the nursing home during the pandemic? Terry recently asked one of the staff.

Five people tested positive for COVID but they were all staff, the worker replied. None of the residents have been infected so far.

Wow! I think that's pretty amazing!

Margaret's Favorite Teacher

My mother loved school as a child - which propelled her to want to become a teacher.

She was only 9 when her family arrived in Canada in 1928... Her introduction to Canadian education was in a one-room country school.

Here's a picture of her at the time, at the bottom left of the picture.

A few years later, she attended Oliver School in Edmonton, where she met a teacher she would never forget - her grade 8 teacher, Mrs. McNallie, who inspired her, against all odds, to pursue a teaching career herself.

Fifty years later, she was thrilled to meet up with Mrs. McNallie again - on July 2, 1984 in Edmonton.

From left to right: my aunt Zilla (the wife of my mother's older brother,  the oldest child in the photo above), my mother's sister Lydia ( two years older than my mom, also in the photo above), Mrs. McNallie and my mother - who was thrilled to meet her favorite teacher again - after so many years!

Graduation Memory

This year, many Canadian students will not be celebrating their high school graduation in the usual way... For them - but maybe more so for their parents and grandparents - this will be a tremendous loss.

My mother - who had to struggle so hard to graduate from high school, then teachers' college and university - valued education more than many who didn't have to struggle as hard for their education. She made a point of attending the graduation ceremonies of as many of her grandchildren as possible.

Among her photos, I found this one - taken in June 1998 - at my daughter's high school graduation...

At the time, she lived in Kelowna, BC - so it was a special effort for her to be here for "grad."

"Do We Still Have Grandma's Dickies?!"

My mother liked to keep her neck warm in winter. She was sensitive to the cold. When she eventually moved into the nursing home, she didn't need them as the temperature was always warm and comfortable.

Going through clothing she no longer wore, I found a collection of "dickies" she had knit for herself - warm collars, some of them lacy. These looked as if they had came straight out of the Victorian era.

After checking with my daughter to see if she wanted to keep them, I gave them to a second-hand clothing store. They were definitely not something I would ever want to wear...

But recently my daughter sent me a photo... with a question: Do we still have Grandma's dickies?!

(Oh, no! If my daughter wants them - they must be coming back in style!!)

Hay Lake, Alberta Classroom

Among my mother’s photos, I came across this one of her class in Hay Lakes, Alberta.

It is dated 1948-1949. It must have been winter - Icicles are visible through the window.

The school was probably heated by a wood stove: I remember my mother commenting that teachers - in country schools - had to arrive early to get the stove going to warm the classroom before the children arrived.

There were two classes in that village school. My mother taught the younger pupils. Another teacher taught the older group...

There are certain things I don't remember: Did my mother’s class have set grades every year? Or did the two teachers divide the students into two equal groups?

I wonder what it was like to have the same students ... or the same teachers year after year...

 I’m impressed by the well-decorated, tidy classroom with solid wood desks.

When I asked my mother how hard it was to teach a multi-level classroom, she said that the older children helped the younger ones... so all learned to teach and help, as well!

Mementos of My Parents' Wedding

Seventy-five years ago today, my parents got married...

Going through my mother's memorabilia, I discovered that - back in 1944 when my father applied for a marriage license,  the certificate (in Alberta) cost 50 cents!

My mother kept the hand-typed receipt.

(And attached to the receipt is a clipping of their engagement announcement in the Edmonton Journal...)

Sharing Jokes...

My father had the knack of remembering jokes - and telling them at the right time.

My mother loved laughter... But she (like me) could never remember jokes! So she would write them down. Sometimes she carried them around in her purse to share with friends.

Recently, going through her papers, I came across one that she had written down. This is how it goes:

Senior Citizens are the biggest carriers of AIDS - Hearing AIDS, band AIDS, roll AIDS, walking AIDS, medical AIDS, government AID.

(In my mind, I just see my mother smiling as she shares this joke!)

Cousins

Today marks my mother's birthday. She was born in 1919, a hundred years ago today. Perusing one of her old albums, I come across an interesting photo.

I recognize my mother's older sister Lydia, on the left, my mother, in the middle - but who is the girl on the right?

A caption under the photo says: Olga Gruenke, our cousin.

Strange! I've never heard of her!

The album has several more photos - of Olga as an adult on her wedding day, another an older-looking Olga with her husband and five children.

How did my mother manage to keep in touch with her over the years?! Did they write letters? As children, they must have been close...

I ask my cousin Rose-Marie, the chief genealogist of the family... It appears that Olga is a cousin on my mother's father's side. My mother's father died when she was two years old... They must have kept over the years.

My mother was 9 when her family immigrated to Canada. Her sister Lydia was 11. This photo must have been taken in the Ukraine before my mother's family left. Is that why the girls look so sad?

Olga's family didn't manage to escape the Ukraine before Stalin's land grab. They were among the unfortunate ones sent to Siberia, where Olga lived until her death on July 1, 1986, according to another note in the photo album.

Psychology Book - Circa 1937

A cousin recently contacted me to ask if I wanted some of my mother's teacher-training books.

Clearing out her parents' house, she had found them in her father's bookcase...

They were texts my mother had used in Edmonton Normal School - the one-year program she had attended in 1938-9 to prepare for teaching.

My cousin's father - my mother's older brother - had quit school at the age of 16 in order to get a job. The family was simply too poor at that time to support him as a student. He had wanted to attend college but never did go back to school.  But he loved to read.

Here they are, years later... my mother - age 90 - and her brother - age 95 - in a picture taken almost 10 years ago.

I was vaguely intrigued by the Educational Psychology textbook published in 1937... (What did they know about psychology then...?)

But would I read it? Probably not...

No... Give them away. I replied. I'm trying to get rid of  enough books of my own!

I noticed that the editor of the book was Charles E. Skinner - not the famous B.F. Skinner I studied about.

But I wonder if they were related!

My Mother's Daily Logs

During her retirement from teaching, my mother used to keep a daily log of how she (and my father) spent their day...

Were these logs a memory aid to help her remember what she had done? Did re-reading them help her remember?

Hmmm... I know I often can't remember... Maybe I need to start keeping a log!

Or were her notes a continuation of her teaching practice of keeping a daily written log of what she planned to do in class every day - and how much of that was actually accomplished?

As I sit here thinking about keeping a daily log, I wonder - would it "spark joy" in remembering - or give me a satisfied feeling that I didn't waste my time?!

Lifelong Learning...

My mother was a lifelong learner... always interested in learning new things.

At a time when personal computers were new, some teachers took early retirement rather than have to learn to use this complicated new machine. But my mother - who had retired almost two decades earlier - decided to embrace new technology...

Here is her certificate in "Windows 98" dated April 2001. She would have been 82 years old at the time.

Unfortunately for her - and for those who didn't use computers regularly - keeping up meant taking course after course. Computer systems were changing frequently.

Unlike typing, which she could do on both manual and electric typewriters, learning windows 98 only helped her for so long... In the end she gave up... But her determination to learn new things remained till the end!

Margaret's Confirmation Picture 1934

In my decluttering efforts, I meander here and there... organizing closets and cupboards for a few days - then moving on to the more detailed tasks of sorting letters and photograph albums.

I was recently looking through one of my mother's photo albums, when I came across this group photo - taken on March 25, 1934, when my mother was 15.

The occasion was her confirmation at St. Paul's Evangelical Lutheran Church in Ellerslie, Alberta - a town near Edmonton. The officiating minister is Rev. R. Krisch.

My mother is the fourth young woman from the left in the middle row...

...in the middle, in this close up. As I look at her - age 15 - I see a family resemble to my cousins Rose-Marie and Rhonda, daughters of my mother's sisters, but not to me. I think my brother and I both resemble my father's family more.

On my last trip to Edmonton, in September, 2017, I walked around the St. Paul's church grounds. (Here is the blog post I wrote about it then. To read it, click or tap here.)

There have been several re-builds since my mother's family attended the church in the 1930's - and I kept wondering what the church looked like when my mother was young. Did they have the same red brick building then? At that time, many of the families - my mother's included - rode to church with a horse and buggy. What would the "parking lot" have looked like on a Sunday morning then?

 Hard to imagine!