What Drives You?!

I recently came across this thought in a book I'm reading: 

"Beware what drives you on... What we long for regulates our actions, shapes our motives, determines our relationships, directs our hearts, consumes our lives. What is it that consumes yours?"

It made me stop and think...

When I was a teenager, I couldn't wait to leave home and "see the world." Where did that all-consuming desire come from? I don't know - but I'm sure it was fuelled by the books I read and movies I watched. 

My mind jumps to the present: What do I long for now?! I still like to "see the world" but, this past year, most of my "travel" has taken the shape of virtual walks in places like Mexico, India and Spain. (In reality, I'm rarely far from home.)

I long to live a quiet life, at peace with friends and family... 

Creativity - whether in pottery, painting, gardening, blogging or fiber arts (like knitting and quilting) also gives me great joy.

"What drives me?" is an interesting question to ask ourselves from time to time... I wouldn't say "BEWARE" but "BE AWARE" ... (unless you're UNHAPPY with your life.)

PS "What drives you?" is an interesting question to ask others, too... 

(BEWARE, Terry, I'll probably ask you!)

Interesting Questions

I have been enjoying reading The Jesuit Guide to (Almost) Everything... and I’ll really miss it when I’m done! It has given me a lot to think about...

One of the Jesuit ideas that I love is that we were meant to follow our inner dreams. In more spiritual language:  God has planted these dreams in our hearts and minds for us to follow. (And, of course, we all have different dreams!)

As I read the second last chapter, I come across some questions meant to help me discern what my true desires are. (They are taken from the book, Wise Choices by Margaret Silf.)

1. Is there something you’ve always wanted to do but never managed?
2. What are your unfinished dreams?
3. If you had your life over again, what would you change?
4. If you only had a few months to live, how would you use your time?
5. If a significant sum of money came your way, how would you spend it?
6. If you were granted three wishes, what would they be?
7. Is there anyone, or anything, for whom you would literally give your life?

As I ponder these questions, I wonder: Will they help me discern my next steps - even at my age, now that I’m retired?! It’s liberating to think that it’s never too late to have dreams... and do MORE.

"My Best Self"?!

I've been reading an interesting book this winter... and I'm probably about two-thirds of the way through. It's called The Jesuit Guide to Almost Everything. I really knew nothing about the Jesuits before starting to read it - so I'm finding parts of it quite fascinating...

I'm currently reading a chapter on decision making... How to make an important decision when you're in a quandary about what to do...

Make a list of pros and cons is one way suggested... I've done that before. In fact, I often do it when trying to think through a course of action. 

What would you advise a perfect stranger to do, if he or she sought your advice was another way to get some distance and perspective on the topic.

Several other scenarios were also offered, as a way to get a clearer perspective. Then came the final one: What would your best self do?

My "best self"? I've never thought of that concept... But the idea was a fascinating one... Would my best self have a perfectly tidy house - something I struggle with...? Or a messier house, because I'd be so busy helping others?

I think I need to give this concept more thought... But I was interested to see that the poet Gerard Manley Hopkins, himself a Jesuit, saw it as a person acting "in God's eyes what in God's eye he is."

(Food for thought!)

Small Decisions

Every once in a while, I wonder if  I need to develop new interests in retirement. Have I gotten into a rut?!

A while back, I enjoyed going through The Artist's Way - a book about creativity. The suggested exercises were fun. Maybe I should read the book again...

I pulled it off the shelf...

At the same time, another book I bought more recently caught my eye... I started to read it, but didn't get far. I'm not sure why...

But I like the subtitle, The Sacred Art of Finding Your Way...

In the introduction, I read: "... When we make a decision, even a small one, it expresses something about our fundamental values... " Even little decisions like "how I use my time and spend my money... express my values as much as the really big life decisions do."

I also read: "... God's path for our lives is constantly being developed. It rises within us and is something we develop in partnership with God as we learn to see and understand more clearly. With this seeing and understanding, we find the courage to step into the future."

Reading this, I realize we were never meant to stagnate... Whatever stage of life I'm at will only be satisfying if I embrace new challenges and opportunities...

You're More Important Than You Think...

I go to a gym several times a week, where I spend 10 minutes doing exercises on resistance machines - to stay strong. Following this, I reward myself with a 7 minute hydro-massage on yet another machine!

It sounds simple - and it is.

But it does the trick... And I don't get the back aches I used to get before I started exercising.

When I walk into the gym, there is a sign on the wall opposite the entrance.

I often read bits of it - and I'm struck by the truth of the thought that..."our planet wouldn't be the same without you."

It sounds a little trite, but it isn't!

Most of us don't think we're all that important... Every day we cross paths with dozens, if not hundreds, of strangers we don't know. We probably don't consider them to be all that important... They're just ordinary people... like us...

I'm glad people are all different, Terry often comments. I'm glad someone can do all the jobs that I can't do...

I agree! I'm thankful for pilots who have learned to fly planes that take me places I couldn't go otherwise.

I'm thankful for people who aren't afraid to walk on ice - like the young man in Montreal, who stopped his car and came to my aid when, in freezing rain, I slipped and fell. He then retrieved my suitcase, which had slid away on the ice. I'm not sure how I'd have got it without his help.

I'm thankful for all the people who stock shelves in grocery stores - often at night - so that in the morning, I can quickly find and buy the food I need.

I'm thankful for the truck drivers who haul gas to the gas pumps I use...

I'm thankful for the millions of parents, grandparents, teachers and mentors who are helping raise the next generation of caring citizens...

For the gardeners that create beautiful public spaces...

The list could go on and on!

The point is that we all play an important role in our world and in the lives of those we meet.

And I'm thankful for the purple poster on the wall of my gym - that reminds me to be thankful for everyone I come in contact with every day!

Back Where I Once Worked

For more than a dozen years, I taught part-time at the University of Ottawa, one or two courses a term. I loved the work and the students, leaving only after I was offered full-time work elsewhere.

Recently I went back to the university to buy a few souvenirs at the bookstore.

It was interesting to be back!

I looked at the buildings where I had taught so many courses (Simard, Morisset).

So much was familiar.

But my relationship to the place had changed: It was no longer part of my life and - to my surprise - I wasn't at all nostalgic or sad!

Is Summer Half Over?!

For many years, August 1st was the turning point of my summer. Summer - with all its freedom - was now half over! My thoughts would now turn to September and all its commitments.

These days my life doesn't change much in September.

And this year's hot weather - which shows no sign of ending - has given us an abundance of summer. (And apparently there's more to come!) I wouldn't feel cheated if cooler weather were to arrive...

These days, the weather predominates our thoughts: Is it too hot to go for a long walk?

Whenever we do go out, Terry and I are always hunting for shade!

This year, I'm actually looking forward to the cooler weather of fall...!

Four Tendencies...

I recently finished listening to a library audio-version of Gretchen Rubin's book on personality types, The Four Tendencies. It's an interesting book - but, though I was able to immediately peg Terry's personality type (rebel!), I have had a hard time finding myself!

Terry is definitely a rebel! Fulfilling other people's expectations is a real struggle for him. Maybe that's why he had a hard time with writing reports - an essential part of his social work job. But he loved the freedom of setting his own schedule. These are all rebel tendencies.

(In some ways, I'm a bit of a rebel, too... I hate the idea of being told what to do. If anything grated on me about being a teacher, it was having to live and plan my life in 10 month terms. No taking a week off here and there because I felt I needed a break! I especially hated following a curriculum I didn't believe was that great...)

Neither Terry nor I would describe ourselves as obligers, people who want to make other people happy above all - though at times, we each wish the other had more obliger tendencies. (When told I wouldn't be able to do housework for 6 weeks after my recent surgery, Terry's reply was: I'll give you two weeks... But our biggest area of disagreement tends to be which alternate route would get us home faster, if we find ourselves in a traffic jam...)

Listening to this audio-book, at first I thought that, as an older child, I was an upholder - a person who responds to rules and expectations, both inner (personal) and outer (from others). The upholder wakes up every morning asking him or herself: What's on my schedule for today? They are motivated by getting things done.

(Although I don't like to follow other people's expectations if they aren't what I want to do, in some ways, this describes me... I tend to be organized and conscious of what I want to accomplish on any given day.)

After finishing the book, I've concluded that I'm a questioner, a person who is very motivated to do the things they want to do, but who asks a lot of questions... I remember my high school history teacher (whom I really liked) commenting - on my report card - that I was "constructively argumentative." That became a family joke... They knew me as argumentative, whether or not it was constructive!

When I later looked up further information on the four tendencies online, I saw that questioners can be very motivated - but only if they see the point of what they are doing. That definitely would be me!

Why is all this important?!

Because it helps teachers, bosses, co-workers, medical professionals and family members know how to best make requests and give advice without generating unnecessary conflict. A rebel, for example, resists any advice given by someone else, even a doctor. So they need to be given the facts and then left to make their own decisions. A questioner, in the same position, will probably do a lot of research before following medical advice, and then they will do it only if they see the point of it.

Again I have to conclude: That is me! Perhaps that's also why I have so many books about type 2 diabetes... I don't want to make any changes to my life unless I think it's the right thing to do!

Vocation: Accepting the Gift of Who We Are

Let  Your Life Speak (by Parker Palmer) has been a refreshing book to read as I reflect on my life - the paths that led me to where I am today, the jobs I've had and the interests I'm currently pursuing.

In a recent post, I mentioned Palmer's idea about accepting our limitations - and working within them.

A related aspect of vocation that should be obvious - but often isn't - is that, to be happy in our work, we have to accept the gift of who we are:

Today I understand vocation... not as a goal to be achieved but as a gift to be received. Discovering vocation does not mean scrambling toward some prize just beyond my reach but accepting the treasure of true self I already possess... It comes from a voice "in here" calling me to be the person I was born to be, to fulfill the original selfhood given me at birth by God.

It is a strange gift, this birthright of self. Accepting it turns out to be even more demanding than attempting to become someone else...

Reading this, I think of all the jobs I attempted and left, the jobs I applied for and didn't get, the jobs I never pursued, though I wanted to - and the parts of my work as a teacher that were extremely difficult for me, and the parts I loved.

I also think about a conversation I had with my mother when I was still in high school, applying for my first year at university. Looking at all the programs that the university offered, I was drawn to the study of art...

This is interesting, I told my mother.

That's for people who don't need to earn a living, she replied. You need to study something practical...

And so I studied languages... But now, all these years later, I am still drawn to pottery, quilting, and other tactile (sometimes practical) art.

How would my life have been different if I had studied art instead of languages? I wonder. Would I have been able to earn a living? 

Maybe it doesn't really matter what I studied... True - inborn - interests always win out in the end!

Thinking of this conversation with my mother reminds me of the dozens of times I've also urged my children to be "practical" - (for their own good)!! Will they, too, someday think I  held them back?!

While we're working on accepting the gift of who we are, can we also accept the gift of who our children are - not just what we want them to be?!

Accepting Our Limitations

Teachers and parents encourage young people to "reach for the stars"  in their careers - and so they should. But few mention the other aspect of finding satisfying work - accepting our limitations.

Parker Palmer addresses this subject in his book, Let Your Life Speak, subtitled, Listening for the Voice of Vacation.

If we are to live our lives fully and well, we must learn to embrace the opposites, to live in a creative tension between our limits and our potentials. We must honor our limitations in ways that do not distort our nature, and we must trust and use our gifts in ways that fulfill the potentials God gave us. We must take the no of the way that closes and find the guidance it has to offer - and take the yes of the way that opens and respond with the yes of our lives.

As I read his words, I regret that I hadn't realized this "simple, healthy, and life-giving truth about vocation" when I was teaching and talking to students about future plans. I experienced my own limitations - even in high school - where I chose to take language courses instead of history, math or science. But I didn't see them as limitations, but rather, as failings.

Later, as a teacher, I recognized that my best teaching self came out, not when I was teaching young children, adolescents or teens, but when I taught English to adult immigrants.

Accepting our limitations is key in many aspects of life. Even in relationships. Years ago, someone observed that I was a "big picture" person, while Terry focuses on details. Yes, that's why we don't always see eye to eye!

Even in hobbies, like quilting... Recognizing what my limitations are may take time, but eventually I have come to realize that I hate fiddly details like matching corners or points... So those are things I should avoid in quilting...

I may love a quilt that looks like this one on the left... But it has too many corners to match. I'd end up frustrated.

I'd be better off with squares that don't have to be precise, like this!

Or this...

Strange to think that it's taken me so long to realize that my weaknesses - things I can't do well - aren't  failings - but simply limitations! (And that it's possible to work around them!)

Not Only "THE HEAVENS Declare the Glory of God"...

I love to watch - and photograph - the constantly changing sky.

My intention is to someday paint lots of sky pictures!

When I admire a particularly beautiful sky, the 3,000-year-old words of Psalm 19 often come to mind:

"The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands..." (Psalm 19) The world out there  is truly amazing!

This past year, I've been giving a lot of thought to the world in here, as well. I've come across a few books about our amazing digestive systems.

In the book, The Mind-Gut Connection, Dr. Emeran Mayer writes:

Your gut has capabilities that surpass all your other organs and even rival your brain. It has its own nervous system... often referred to in the media as the "second brain." This second brain is made up of 50-100 million nerve cells, as many as are contained in your spinal cord.

The immune cells residing in your gut make up the largest component of your body's immune system; in other words, there are more immune cells living in the wall of your gut than circulating in the blood or residing in your brain marrow... The gut-based immune defense system is capable of identifying and destroying a single species of dangerous bacterial invaders that makes it into our digestive system when we accidentally ingest contaminated food or water. What is even more remarkable, it accomplishes this task by recognizing the small number of potentially lethal bacteria in the ocean of a trillion other benevolent microbes living in your gut... 

I try to picture this amazing scene: A trillion benevolent microbes in my gut. Among that trillion, some of these microbes have the capability of identifying and destroying potentially lethal bacteria. They recognize them...!!! A trillion different microbes...?!

When I think about the complexity of this digestive "battle" going on in the body of every person alive on the planet, I am awestruck: "The heavens declare the glory of God..." -  BUT SO DO OUR DIGESTIVE SYSTEMS!! 

My "Happy Place"

I recently saw a bumper sticker that read: "My happy place is hunting".

If I had to choose a place I associated with total contentment, I would choose a sunny room in our house where two large windows frame constantly changing scenes.

I sit here a lot - and often look up and notice the amazing sky - sometimes blue with fluffy clouds. At other times, colorful, constantly-changing - vibrant shades of pink and blue.

In the morning, sipping coffee, looking out the window at the sky - I am definitely in my "happy place."

Solved By...

St. Augustine is not one of my favorite Christian "saints." I have a hard time identifying with a lot of what he writes. But a while back, I came across an interesting quote attributed to this learned man who lived 1,600 years ago in Italy and North Africa:

"It is solved by walking." (Or, in his words, "Solvitur ambulando.")

It made me ponder all the ways I solve problems - and I realized that walking isn't one of them.

I often write down my problems (journaling) to force myself to define what is bothering me. Sometimes I talk to an insightful friend... Other times I simply wait and see what happens...

When my kids were younger, I did find that when we went for walks together, they tended to share what was happening in their lives and what was bothering them.

Maybe I should start taking reflective walks - to see what creative ideas - and solutions to problems - pop into my head...

Keys to a Happy Retirement: A Personal Reflection

Yesterday's blog post mentioned a newspaper article's "keys" to a happy retirement. Writing about it made me reflect on my own retirement. I think that the opening questions posed by the article are very important:

1. What do you want out of life?
2. What do you enjoy doing?
3. How will you fill the social gap retirement from work brings? 

Before I retired, I had no idea I'd be doing what I am doing right now, well into this wonderful phase of life. But I did know that I wanted to travel, quilt, write and do art - something I didn't have enough time to do during my working years.

A year after retiring, I started to write this blog - a diary of my life with pictures. In my mind, it would be a picture to those living in other countries of what Canadian life is like. That idea doubtlessly came from my years of teaching English to immigrants, talking about the Canadian way of life and explaining how Canadians think. 

I don't know how many people from other countries actually read this blog, but I know my grown-up children dip into it from time to time. That brings me to my second purpose in writing: We don't always have time or inclination to listen to our parents when they're around - but years later, they may be interested in knowing.

I think retirement evolves, as time progresses. The winter after beginning my blog, I began to take art classes. My neighbor Mary (who is also retired) encouraged me to try botanical drawing, which I did for a few years. Then my curiosity about pottery led me to take a few classes in that.

Traveling has also been my passion - learning about cultures by seeing first hand how people live. I've done a bit of that in retirement, and I'd like to do more...

This brings me to another suggestion made in the article on successful retirement. Draw two columns on a piece of paper: 

• In the first, list three things you want to do more of.
• In the second, list three things you've never done, but would like to do.

Most of mine involve travel! 

• I'd like to spend more time in Hawaii during Canada's long, cold winter months.
• I'd like to spend more time in Toronto with my children - and granddaughter - who live there.
• I'd like to take more art  classes, especially in pen and ink drawing, something I don't really know how to do.

New things: 

• I'd like to walk the Camino de Santiago in Spain.
• I'd like to visit the Grand Canyon.
• I'd like to spend a week or so on the Scottish isle of Iona.

I may never have an opportunity to do any of these new things - and I'm okay with that! 

New Life... in Lent

Today is the beginning of "Lent" - a word which originates from an old English word meaning "spring." (This I discovered reading Barbara Brown Taylor's book, Speaking of Sin.)

March isn't spring yet in out part of Canada. But as a gardener, I can identify when she writes that Lent refers "not only to what is happening in the natural world but also in the spiritual world" during the "six weeks preceding Easter, the great Christian festival of new life, when the hard, buried bulbs of our souls come into full flower."

"As any good gardener knows, new life requires some assistance. The life itself is entirely God's gift, but the cultivation of it calls for work. There is some tilling and fertilizing to be done, some weeding and pruning of dead branches. Without such intentional participation in the renewal of life, the roses will eventually disappear under the poke-weed, and the Japanese beetles will eat all of the peaches..."

Reflecting on ... "Stability"

One of my goals, when I retired, was to travel. Another was to study the history of Christianity. (I've done both, so I can't complain... in case this sounds like I'm complaining!)

Hawaii is my favorite winter destination. If I could escape winter again this year, that's probably where I would head!

In my religious reading and studies, I've been mulling over the Benedictine way of life - named after Benedict of Nursia, the 5th century "Father of Western Monasticism," who wrote a famous "rule" book for living peaceably with others.

One of his principles is "stability" - being rooted, not running around looking for a better place to be. Just staying put.

I'm not ready to stop traveling, but this winter, my normal travel companions aren't willing to go anywhere, so I've been left wondering if I should travel alone, like I used to. Or focus on staying put, on "stability."

Pain and Suffering

I have never given much thought to the difference between pain and suffering. My physical pains have been few, relatively speaking. My emotional suffering has also been limited to the normal ups and downs of life, situations that, I have come to believe, make a person strong.

In my work as a teacher, I occasionally met students who were "suffering," though I didn't always recognize it - like one teenage boy who pulled out a knife to cut himself in my English class.

"Miss, ... has a knife!" a fellow student shouted out. I stopped mid-sentence. In my mid-20's, I had never encountered a situation like this before.

Annoyed that someone was interrupting the flow of my carefully crafted lesson, I walked over to the young man's desk and demanded: "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to kill myself," he replied.

"Not in my class, you're not," I said firmly. "Put that knife away."

To my amazement, he did.

As soon as the class was over, I marched over to the office - and a guidance counselor quickly came in to talk to the young man and help him with his problems. To my knowledge, his threat to kill himself never recurred.

Unlike teachers, priests are often called in to deal with pain and suffering. It is a regular part of their job. So it's not surprising that former parish priest, Barbara Brown Taylor, comments on it in her book, An Altar in the World. Here is what she says: I learned that there is a difference between pain and suffering... Pain originates in the body... You can find the place that hurts and press it, eliciting a howl...

Suffering, on the other hand, happens in the mind. The mind decides what pain means and whether it is deserved. The mind notices who comes to visit and who does not. The mind remembers how good things used to be and are not likely to be again...

Her conclusion? Suffering is often worse than pain.

Setting Goals: A Few Wise Comments

A while back, I was looking through some of my books - wondering which I should keep and which I should pass on.  

Did I need my collection of business books any more?

After publishing my homonym spelling workbook (Write it right!) in 2008, I invested in a number of books on selling, among them, The 12 Cliches of Selling and Why They Work, by Barry Farber. I'm not focused so much on selling these days, but every time I pick up this book, I find some gem worth remembering.

On New Year's Day, a day when many reflect on how we would like our lives to change, here are some of Farber's comments on goal setting - in business or in life. They are well-worth remembering. (I have transcribed his exact words in point form.)

• The ultimate goal of all our lives is to be happy and fulfilled. Goal-setting is simply a tool we can use to help us on our way. 
• There's no need to overwhelm ourselves by setting too many goals at once. Work on one at a time; then, as soon as you are nearing one destination, you can begin planning for the next journey. 
• And it's most important to remember that whether or not you reach your goal is less important than knowing you did your best to work toward it. 
• Goals should be chosen with great care and concern. Be prepared to get what you go after. 
• Whatever it is that you really want can be achieved if you write it on the page and engrave it in your mind.

Nourishing Words

I've started reading another book by Barbara Brown Taylor. This one is entitled "When God is Silent.

The first chapter is about "words" - and how inundated with them we are in our culture, both spoken or written. As I read this, I think of how the early Christian monastics valued silence.

I pause when I read her remark: "The problem is that nourishing words are so hard to find - words with no razor blades in them, words with no chemical additives."

What are nourishing words? I wonder... Words that inform and encourage? (Do we even know when we're speaking them?!)

And what does she mean by "chemical additives"? I wonder... Words chosen to be appealing - to make us want to buy advertised products?

For some of us, words come all too quickly!

Trying to make all of them "nourishing" would be a wonderful goal.

Burning Bushes

For the past few months I've been reading books by Barbara Brown Taylor, an Episcopalian priest and writer who discusses many issues I find interesting - both in her autobiographical accounts and in her sermons.

I am currently reading Mixed Blessings, a collection of sermons that date back to her early years as a parish priest. One entitled "Uncommon Light" has given me food for thought. In it she speaks of Moses' encounter with God at the burning bush in the Sinai Desert.

Quoting the poet, Gerard Manley Hopkins, she says that, in noticing details in nature, the poet (Hopkins) "...saw everything and in everything he saw God. "The world is charged with the grandeur of God," he wrote at last. "It will flame out, like shining from shook foil." That is something the poets among us have always known. "Earth's crammed with heaven," wrote Hopkins' contemporary Elizabeth Barrett Browning, "each common bush aflame with God. Yet only he who sees takes off his shoes. The rest set round and pluck blackberries." ... Or run errands. Fill in your own blank. Then stop, if you are willing. Stop and take off your shoes, knowing that wherever you are is holy ground. Risk getting burned, looking foolish, being wrong. Drop what you are doing and turn aside, to look into every bush, every face, every event of your life - the big and the small, the hoped for and the feared, the bad and the good - look into every one of them for God's presence and call...

Finally, if you are still willing, go the last step. Once you have gotten the knack of seeing burning bushes everywhere, consent to be set on fire yourself, to be for someone else the presence and call of God..."