Every family develops a "personality" - which can be different from the personality of each individual in it. Our home is a quiet haven for the three of us who live here. Rarely do we invite people over, except for special meals like Thanksgiving or Christmas. Most of our socializing is done in other places - over coffee after church with friends we see there, or out of doors with neighbors whenever we meet.
After many years of marriage, I still find this strange. I grew up in a family where my grandmother's house was a hive of activity - people coming and going, often staying for food. (But then, she had 10 children, many of whom lived nearby.) My brother and I often had friends over in our parents' home. Our kids did, too, when they were all here. But the three of us who remain have created a quieter space.
Sometimes our apparent lack of hospitality bothers me. But I have been challenged to view hospitality in a slightly different light - from two different sources. (A sign perhaps that this is what I need to hear!)
It is so easy for people to come to live with others as if they were living alone, Joan Chittister writes in Wisdom Distilled from the Daily. All they have to do is stop noticing one another.
Then, in Benedict's Way (a book I am drawn back to again and again), I read: Hospitality isn't about anything as simple as the best china, lace napkins, and crystal wineglasses. It might include those, but the real meaning of hospitality has to do with... "making room inside yourself for another person."
So perhaps the real meaning of hospitality is taking the time to be with people - and pay attention to them, wherever that happens. It's about opening your heart - not just your home!
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