The Importance of Family Dinner

For many years, as a single adult, I ate most meals alone. Sometimes I would browse through cookbooks as I ate, wishing I had the time and inclination to make more interesting meals. Everything changed when I got married. Terry, a strong believer in family dinners, wanted us to eat at least one meal together. He was right, of course. But working out the details was a problem... (He didn't necessarily want to eat when I was hungry.) On the upside, mealtimes became more varied as he shared in the cooking. As added incentive to share food preparation and cleanup, we decided that the one to cook would not have to clean up.

Over the years, our family has had many different mealtime routines. I remember, when the children were very young, having to jump up so many times at mealtime to bring food or clean up spills that I longed to eat alone, undisturbed, like I did in my single days. I remember when they were a little older and came home from school at 4, hungry. If they snacked then, they didn't want to eat supper when Terry got home from work at 7 or 7:30 pm. I finally decided that their supper - and mine - would be early and he would eat later, alone. This was hard for him, as he felt that a shared family meal is important. Then there were the years when I would get up and eat breakfast before the rest of the family was awake. I'd make school lunches and leave for work just as my then-teenage children were beginning to stir. Evening meals depended on soccer practice times and dance classes. We didn't always sit down for a communal family meal. Weekends were the time we tried to bring everyone together, especially for Sunday dinner. For me the big thing was not eating in front of the TV, oblivious to the real people in the room.

Now in retirement Terry and I usually eat our evening meal together. We get up at different times, so we have different eating patterns the rest of the day.

I have always sensed the importance of family dinners as a time of sitting still and communicating with each other, sharing what everyone has been doing the rest of the day.

But there is more to it than that, according to Joan Chittister. In Wisdom Distilled From the Daily, she writes: "The act of gathering and sharing and celebrating the day together is the moment when we celebrate one another's gifts to us. Everyone here has made this sustaining moment possible, by preparing the food or paying for the food or growing the food or carrying the food or serving the food or clearing up after the family...

"At the common table, too, is the source of the emotional nourishment and attention for which we all long. When... our friends are disinterested and our acquaintances are unkind, there is always the family table where we will be wanted and attended to and healed of the bad memories of the day... Here at the common table we remember that all the best work in the world is worth nothing unless it's done for someone.

"At the common table, too, we are taught self control. There is only so much ... to go around. Everyone must get some... Nothing that has been prepared for us should be rejected. Here discipline and fasting are made real."

Family dinners should be a joy, a comfort and a celebration! That can be a challenge - whatever stage of life you are at!