Freedom In Community

I am always looking for insights into parenting and relating to family members, and have found a lot to ponder in the Benedictine concept of community. As I read Joan Chittister's book, Wisdom Distilled From the Daily, I realize that this is the way I would like to relate to others:

A Benedictine spirituality of community... has a reverence for uniqueness as well as bondedness...; it is community of heart and soul and mind..., not control... [To] understand that is to free us from having to control everyone in our world... We begin to realize ... the gift of the individuals in our lives... We begin to realize that we don't have the master plan for every body else's life... children must be allowed to go their own way and ... husbands have to be allowed to make their dreams come true... and wives must be permitted to become gifted people themselves instead of simply being the family's live-in help.

We begin to learn to trust our own gifts, too, but not for their own sake. We develop our gifts... for the good of others... Our gifts are to be given away so that the whole human community is richer for our having been here.

All my life I have lived in a culture of "control." As a child and even as an adult, I have often felt pressured to please family members. (And - I confess - in return I expect them to please me!) Professionally, as a teacher, I would have lost my job had I not demonstrated classroom "control" daily! So control is and always has been a big part of my life - and I hate it! Change isn't easy... But as a mother, a daughter, a wife, a sister, a friend, I would really like to live with an attitude of daily appreciation of the uniqueness of everyone in my life - encouraging them to follow their dreams, free from the tyranny of having to do things just to please me.