Simply Forgive?

I have been reading a chapter of the book, Benedict's Way every day for the past few weeks. Each of its 30 short chapters touches on some aspect of communal monastic living. I've discovered that Benedict's gentle rules have a lot of wisdom to share with those of us who don't live in monasteries, whose communities consist of families, workplaces, churches and other organizations...

I recently came to the chapter on conflict - and eagerly began to read it.

How relevant! I thought (I'm not sure why, but there is often conflict in my life..!)

Of course there would be disagreements in a monastery! It would be naive to suggest otherwise. So how did this 6th century monastic deal with them? Would he recommend mediation - each side telling his side of the story? Would the resolution be win-win? (I certainly hoped so...) What secret of resolving conflict would Benedict share?

So I was somewhat taken aback to read that Benedict's solution was to have a superior recite the Lord's prayer twice a day - to remind the monks that Jesus taught his disciples to pray Forgive us as we forgive others...

In order to end conflict... simply forgive...? Forgive all?

That's it?! No discussion of who is right (and who is wrong)?! No mediation? No analysis of the problem?

I must admit I was a tad disappointed...

For me forgiveness rarely comes quickly or easily. The hurt often has to be removed layer by layer, like removing the skins of an onion. There, I think it's all been dealt with, only to discover, some time later, that there is another layer to remove. The process takes reflection and confession (perhaps writing my feelings in a journal) followed by more reflection and confession... and so on, until the pain is gone.

Am I making conflict resolution too complicated?

Then I remembered another kind of conflict resolution: Sometimes I would be upset about something in the morning, when I had no time to deal with it... I would go to work - and in the busyness of the day, would totally forget why I had been upset...

(How much easier that is!)

Is that what forgiveness is - knowing we all offend others from time to time... just as we are offended...?

So move on...? Get over it? Accept it? Forgive...?