"Talk Nice"

I had three rules I insisted on when my kids were small:

1. No hitting.
2. No put downs.
3. No foul language.

A fourth rule I wanted them to follow - Be kind - was harder to enforce! I could stop my kids from hurting each other physically, but that inner generosity of kindness was harder to draw out. (And I really didn't want them to be hypocrites! I wanted it to come from the heart. Which may be why I didn't always demand they apologize to each other...)

My brother and I used to insult each other when we were growing up - it was considered normal among siblings - so I developed great skill in cutting put-downs... But this wasn't something I wanted to see perpetuated in my family - or in myself, for that matter!

I was reminded of all this the other day when Terry commented: There is no room for discussion if you insult people.

He was referring to insulting comments made by politicians. But then I thought about the cutting remarks I occasionally want to hurl at city hall (via their telephone hot line), and it made me think...

Our current issue, excessive on-street parking - by college students wanting to park all day for free - has jammed up our quiet dead-end street so that last winter snow-plows couldn't get down it. Access to the only fire hydrant at the end of the block was also hampered. (So I don't think it's unreasonable to demand a change...)

In exasperation, I requested that a sign be put up indicating that city bylaw mandates a 15-meter "turn basin" remain free of cars, so that vehicles can turn around at the end of the street. Cars are not permitted to park within 15 meters (48 feet) of a dead end, but traffic control officials refuse to issue tickets unless there is a clear sign.

But when the city workmen came to measure the sign location the other day, they marked it at 10 meters (32 feet) instead of 15 meters! So I called the city to inform them (aka complain).

Can't you guys do anything right? I wanted to say. Have you noticed that in our neighborhood everything has to be done twice before it gets done right?!

But... would that be kind?!

If I want to live in an environment where kindness prevails, I guess I have to start with myself... (and that isn't always easy!!)

(Is there a course somewhere on the art of complaining politely?!)