Marriage Differences

I think I have discovered the cause of much marriage duress: We are attracted to people who are different from us. ("Opposites attract.") Yet, once married, we are surprised when we don't see eye to eye!

This is true in my marriage as well!

Over time, I have come to realize that I am a big-picture person, given to impulsive purchasing - I really hate to shop unless I intend to buy something. And I usually make sure I do! Terry, on the other hand, is a "details" person who likes to weigh all the pros and cons. Then he hesitates because he wants to be 100% sure before he gets anything.

We have (eventually) come to accept these differences in each other but it took a long time. In our early years together, our different approaches caused us both a lot of stress - as we puzzled over how "strange" the other person's shopping habits were! But I think we have come to accept our differences - most of the time! And we end up making wiser purchases because of his fastidious research. But we don't always shop together! I am happy to have him do all the research he needs... alone. Then - when he knows which item is the best value - I will go with him to buy it... This works for cars, washing machines, fridges, cameras (which we are currently researching) - even groceries! So grocery shopping takes much longer with him than with me, but he never comes home with damaged boxes or tins, as I sometimes do because I don't bother checking - I pick up the item I want and head for the check-out...!

An example of our difference in approach occurred when he and our daughter (who also likes to check every detail before purchasing) went out to buy a piece of computer equipment she needed. They weighed the pros and cons of each item, again and again, but neither of them could make the final decision. Finally our daughter broke the stalemate by saying: What would Mom do?

They immediately knew which to buy, and bought it!

I think that the key to getting along in spite of our differences - is appreciating our differences!

But this, of course, is easier said than done... And it takes practice!