"For the Long Haul..."

I have always wondered why some marriages work, while others flounder... What are their secrets of success...?

So I ask...

Two comments I remember came from young women who had been married for about ten years when I was still single.. (Both are grandmothers now - still married to the same husbands they had back then!)

"What is the secret of a happy marriage?" I asked my friend Ann. She was a role-model for me. I loved being in her home - from time to time I babysat her baby daughter - and I admired their family dynamic.

"Well, there are good years and bad years," she replied.

"You mean, good days and bad days," I corrected her.

"No, good years and bad years..."

(Mmmmm... It looked so easy from the outside...)

Another time I was discussing marriage with a minister's wife, a former beauty queen who had married a handsome football player - who then became a minister. They were such a beautiful couple, fun to be with, I couldn't imagine them having marriage difficulties. So I was surprised to hear her say...

"If I didn't believe God was part of our marriage, I would have walked away long ago - when we had our first major disagreement. But I believe that God brought us together. So, instead of leaving, I prayed..."

(So even happy marriages have their ups and downs...)

A third comment I remember came from a university professor friend who had married very young (when he was 19 and his wife 18). For the first 10 years of their marriage, they had traveled and studied... in Canada, the US, and overseas. Then - when he was completing his PhD.- they had their first child.

"A lot of young marriages don't survive," I commented to him. "And education often drives couples apart, as they develop new interests. How is it that you two have maintained a strong marriage?"

"Well, we consciously make decisions that bring us together," he replied.

(I was astounded at the maturity they must have had, at such a young age...)

Is there a simple "secret of marriage success"?

I'm sure there are many factors that contribute to a long, happy marriage, but one thing stands out to me: All three had a "big picture" of their relationship and viewed marriage as a commitment (as Terry would say) "for the long haul..."