Childhood Airing of Grievances

One of the interesting aspects of organizing papers is finding souvenirs of the past.

I recently came across some hand-written "documents" from the days when my sons were in grades 7 and 5. They had to share a bedroom. Generally, they got along well, but occasionally there were conflicts, not only with each other - but with parents.

My older son, age 13, wanted more freedom - not an unreasonable request, but hard to enforce when he shared a room with his younger brother, who would most certainly want the same privileges his older brother had...

A parenting dilemma!

We must have had a disagreement about what he was and wasn't allowed to do after school - like head to the mall with friends to check out (and possibly buy) video games. I was adamant that they let me know where they were at all times... (and there were no cell phones in those days!)

At some point my older son and I must have had an argument about it...

To help us both step back and look at the situation more clearly, I created a "document" that listed my expectations of him - and invited him to share what he wanted of me. We read each other's expectations - I see he checked off each item as he read it (top photo).

His position was that he wanted me to trust him, to let him go to the mall without permission and to stay up as late as he wanted. He also wanted to be able to relax and play video games after school without my complaining.

I, on the other hand, wanted to know where he was at all times. I wanted him to try harder in school and fulfill his responsibilities (homework and chores)... which probably impinged on his video game playing time. He had a paper route, so he did have money to spend - money that he had earned so I had no control over it.

We both signed the document, to signify that we were aware of the other person's point of view.

We must have both been satisfied with our airing of grievances, because a few days later, he gave me a document listing his grievances against his brother: He no longer wanted to share a room with him because (1) His brother had eaten two of his chocolate bars - for which he now owed him $1.50, and (2) he had turned off the Game-Boy when my older son was at the last level of a game.





The background story to that was, I think, that when I announced bedtime lights out, older brother wasn't quite finished the game he was playing - so younger brother turned it off! This happened from time to time...

Younger son - having witnessed this exchange of "documents" now created a document of his own, which he presented to both of us. He was (presumably) guilty of having eaten his brother's two chocolate bars, because he suggested that by selling his brother's old video games, keeping  a commission of 75 cents a game, he could pay off his debt.

I really don't remember what happened next...

But how can I - sentimental mother that I am - throw out all these "documents" (all officially signed) that bring back such wonderful  memories of their childhood years??!