Wanting Change

I was recently discussing work options with a young friend. After a year or two working in the same field - where opportunity for advancement was limited - she was in a rut and wanted to make some career changes.

What's holding you back from doing what you think you want to do? I probed. You want change - but do you want it enough? (... And if you don't, that's okay!) But your action - or inaction - is telling you something. Perhaps it's saying you don't want change enough.

I suggested she ask herself where she wanted to be in five years, what she wanted to be doing - and then figure out what steps she needed to take to get there...

And if you don't take these steps, I cautioned, maybe you simply don't want it enough...

Reflecting on my own life - on changes I had (or hadn't) made over the years, I conclude that my instincts served me well. I became a teacher because it was something I knew I could do... (As a child, using my mother's old text books to "play school" with my younger brother and other neighborhood kids, I had always been the teacher, never the student! I had organized assignments for "my students" and marked their work.) Teaching was always very natural for me!

But teaching wasn't the job of my dreams: I wanted to be a writer - writing novels set in exotic places where I would live for a while, learn about new cultures and places... and then move on.

The travel happened - but I didn't write. I always felt I wasn't ready: I didn't know enough. I also struggled with being brutally honest, the way I knew good novelists must be. So I settled for studying literature, critiquing other writers. But when looking for work, I returned to teaching, my comfortable niche.

Looking back over my teaching career, I recall several turning points when I seriously considered switching to journalism. But each time, instead, I returned to teaching. I kept returning to the career that was natural for me.

And now, in retirement, new opportunities present themselves. I have the luxury of deciding how I want to spend my time. A year after retiring, I began to write this blog. In a totally unexpected way, my writing dream is finally being fulfilled!

But there are other things I've long wanted to do. Like learning to play the drums and the banjo. Like drawing and painting. What's holding me back?

Nothing, really...

But maybe my inaction is telling me something. Maybe the time is wrong... That's possible. Or maybe I simply don't want them enough!