What To Do?

Never underestimate the memory of a child... or a 91-year-old mother!

One of my earliest childhood memories is my mother putting my favorite doll "away" in the attic where it is out of my reach. "For a while," she tells me, as I protest. From time to time I ask for that doll but her reply is always the same: "I'll get it for you later..."

Strange that I would remember the incident after all these years...

As the toy never re-surfaced, I can only assume that my mother threw it out. Perhaps it was worn and dirty and she decided its time had come...

Strange how the memory of this event lingers...

It came to mind recently after an incident with my mother: I had noticed that, every time I visited her in the evening, she was wearing the same torn and patched flannelet nightgown... When my daughter also noticed, I decided to broach the topic. (Perhaps the nursing staff at the residence where she lives were also wondering what kind of family would let her wear such a tattered garment...)

I decide to buy her a new one, as similar to the old one as possible. Warm, cozy flannelet. When I bring it to her she protests: I don't need that. I have lots of nightgowns.

She shows me a pile of nightgowns in her closet. Several are made of flannelet.

But you always wear that old one, I reply.

I want to use it up, she answers.

I think you've used it up already, I tell her. It looks really worn out. Why don't you wear some of the others?

But this one is really comfortable.

Well, maybe I should take it home and make it look better, I reply, wondering if I can possibly add machine embroidery over the patches.

Reluctantly she gives it to me...

I take it home and wash it. Then I examine it to see how I can fix it and make it look less... awful! But it is so worn and threadbare that more tears seem imminent. It doesn't seem worth the effort... So I throw it out (hoping she won't remember...)

After a few weeks, she begins to ask for it. I can't sleep without it, she complains...

I thought she had forgotten all about it!

I feel as if I have betrayed her trust... Should I tell her that it is gone...? Should I keep "forgetting" to bring it or should I tell her the truth - that it was too threadbare to fix, so I threw it out?

(Never lie to a child - a Jewish maxim... Does the same rule apply to a 91-year-old mother?!)