Decisions! Decisions! Decisions!

The past week or two have been somewhat unsettling for me, as Terry and I have been considering - some major, some minor - decisions.

I have again been considering laser eye surgery. After all, the procedure has come a long way in the past 20 years - since my brother had his done - and he was (and still is) happy with his results 20 years later... I have thought about it for a long, long time... What's holding me back? Maybe I should get it done now too...

So last week I went for a pre-operative assessment, and discovered that I had two options open to me: laser surgery or "cataract" surgery - like my mother had last winter. I don't have cataracts, but ophthalmologists now do similar lens replacements, replacing the lens in the eye with a corrective lens. That would probably be good for me, at my age, I am advised, as it would mean that I would not face cataract surgery in the future. (Cataracts would not form on the artificial corrective lens.) There are some risks, however... It is unlikely but nonetheless possible that an eye infection caused by the surgery could, in a worst case scenario, lead to blindness... There is also the (unlikely) possibility of getting a detached retina (also risking vision loss). These risks don't seem so serious when a person is facing vision loss because of a cataract, but for a healthy eye...! Should I take the risk?

Laser vision correction, on the other hand, would involve more initial discomfort (itchy, sensitive eyes) for a week or so, but... Nobody goes blind from laser surgery! the ophthalmologist assured me...

Both options are open to me... What should I do?!!

Another decision involves Terry's retirement... He has been working in the often stressful field of child welfare - helping kids in crisis - for almost 30 years now. He loves his current job (most days) - but has been planning to retire in about 20 months... (But who's counting?!)

Last week he came home with some news: His agency is planning to cut back on staff, and - before laying off workers - will be offering "incentives" for people to resign... Should he take "early retirement"?

Life seems to suddenly be fast-forwarding several years - to impending retirement~ though he hasn't made a decision yet! As we consider the financial - and lifestyle - implications of all this, we are both somewhat anxious.

What should he do?!!

Our third (previously major) decision has paled in comparison to the other two. Our 25-year-old furnace was "acting up" last winter - so we decided to replace it. Spare parts were hard to find... and we didn't want to get stuck in the winter without heat!

So after talking to our "furnace man," we were left having to decide whether to get a simple furnace or a "fancy-dancy" furnace-with-heat pump, to cut back on energy costs. We have to decide very soon ... as we don't want to be caught without heat this winter! But our furnace problem has suddenly paled in face of our other life-changing decisions...!

What should we do?!!

Stay tuned for updates!

Playing (Blog) "Tag"

I have posted a picture of my (very messy) desk at least once on this blog! (For some perverse reason, I find it interesting to compare my chaotic work space to others like it!) Maybe I take comfort in knowing that I'm not the only messy one!

I often read the blogs of Derek Maul, a Florida writer, who recently posted a picture at himself at work in the kitchen, because of the "organizational state" of his study (which I interpret to mean that his desk is too messy to work on!)

So I was interested in the game of "tag" mentioned by Karyn (a Toronto "craft-er") in her blog, Make Something, where craft-enthusiasts with blogs have been "tagging" each other - wanting them to show pictures of their work spaces ...

Karyn was "tagged" by Constança Cabral, who had in turn been "tagged" by Alice Bernardo... and so on... By clicking on these blog links, you can see the creative work spaces of some very creative women - in a kind of "treasure hunt."

(Their work spaces have an artistic aura which mine definitely lacks!)

Like Derek Maul, I never write a blog in my study... I'm usually sitting on the living room sofa, with my son's laptop on my knees...

After all, I don't want to risk messing up the piles of papers on my desk!

Squirrels Survive and Thrive in Our Neighborhood

I am always amazed at how the wild animals that share our city living spaces survive - and thrive - in our climate.














Here is a squirrel running on the roof of our neighbor's house.

He (or she) probably lives in this nest - visible in the branches at this time of year. Their nests amaze me...














How can that conglomeration of leaves and who-knows-what keep its shape when the wind blows the branches of the tree? How can a family of squirrels keep warm in that rickety nest when temperatures are - 40 ? (Celsius or Fahrenheit - they are both the same!)



















Here is another squirrels' nest - in the hollow of this Manitoba maple at the corner of our yard. The squirrels run into this hole - and out through another on the other side of the tree, a little higher up...














The telephone and electric hydro lines that span the back yard are their walkway (and every once in a while, the wires have to be replaced after the squirrels chew into them...).

The downtown Toronto neighborhood where my daughter lives doesn't have enough trees for all the squirrels, so some try to "branch out" and move into attic spaces. Currently the pitter-patter of tiny feet - and scratching noises on the other side of her apartment's (outer) walls are waking her up in the night. At first she feared that mice had moved into the building! Then she concluded that squirrels had created nests somewhere in the walls. Hopefully her landlord will soon be able to track them down - and evict them!

I once lived in a building that had raccoons in the walls, her not-so-helpful super told her, when she complained... One tenant eventually spotted a hole in her wall - with a paw coming through - so look for falling dust!

My daughter was not amused!

Love it or hate it, constantly defining and re-defining the boundaries of what's mine and what's theirs is one of the challenges of living amid the beauty of nature and trees!

Have a Little Faith

A new book has jumped to the top of my bedtime reading pile - Have a Little Faith, by Mitch Albom. It has all the criteria for good bedtime reading for me - short chapters, interesting characters, discussions about religious faith - plus the stories are true...














The book actually contains two parallel stories, one about a retired rabbi (whom Mitch had known as a child) and the other, a criminal from Detroit who becomes a Christian minister (I think... I haven't gotten to that part yet - but that's what the cover information leads me to believe.)

I'm at the point where Mitch Albom is reconnecting with the old rabbi, who has asked him to deliver his eulogy when he dies. Mitch agrees - but decides he has to get to know him a little better first.

There is a lot that interests me in the book - Judaism, Christianity, the question of how to live out one's religious faith...

When Albom questions the rabbi about his rituals (regular Sabbath worship, walking not driving to the synagogue, etc.) - after all, faith is conviction, and "Deep inside, you know your convictions." - the rabbi replies: "... faith is about doing. You are how you act, not just how you believe."

Yes, that's the hard part...

But it was also Albom's description of the rabbi's messy study that made me think: "The shelves were crammed with books and files. The desk was covered in letters and notes. There were open boxes everywhere, things he was reviewing or reorganizing or something."

Oh no, that's just like me!

The rabbi is trying to organize his files and papers in his retirement... And worse, over the course of the story, the study doesn't seem to get any better!...

Mmmmm. Perhaps I need to learn from this too...

Flowers in Late November?

I was raking leaves and cutting back dead plants, when I discovered - FLOWERS!! - STILL BLOOMING in my garden!



















You have to look more carefully to find them - but they're there!



















There is usually snow on the ground at this time of year... so I was surprised to see this white flower just opening up... Is it a daisy?














Life is full of surprises!

Dusting Off Books... and Dreams?

The weather is great for late November here in Ontario - still no snow or freezing temperatures (and I'm not complaining!)














I've decided to take advantage of the day and move a shelf or two of dusty books outdoors to flip their pages and watch the dust fly away...

They always look a lot cleaner after they're done... and I get a chance to look (again) at what I have. (I tend to forget them when they're sitting on the shelf...)

I will probably never re-read some of these books... maybe I should just get rid of them!














Others are old favorites I can't bear to part with...














When I look at the dates on these writers' handbooks, I realize that it was 20 years ago that I rekindled the writing flame in my life. I wondered - at the time - whether I should switch careers and become a journalist, my aspiration in high school...

At that time, I took several writing courses by correspondence and had a few articles published in local newspapers. But my enthusiasm fizzled out with a 60% rejection rate. Writing seemed like a waste of precious free time.

So now - at a different stage of life - with more unstructured time at my disposal, I look at the books I bought 20 years ago to fulfill a dream, and wonder...














Will I ever write - or attempt to write - a blockbuster novel?!

Maybe it's time to try - or to pass the books on to someone who will!

Forgiving... and Being Forgiven

I have been giving a lot of thought to forgiveness these days... Not because I have been wronged more than anyone else. But because I find forgiving others a very hard thing to do...

As I look back on my childhood and my early years, I remember feeling the victim of my circumstances - and what child isn't?! ... We are all born into families that have their own personalities, their own dynamics... And we have to learn how to survive (and hopefully thrive) within them. (And of course, we also make our mark within them, too!)

But some of us - as in my case - feel at a certain point that we need to escape a family we really don't like to live in, to create our own "family" - whether that be as a single person with friends, or a partner in a marriage, or a parent with children to raise. What a joy it was - for me - to leave home and create my own "family" - to determine who would be in my life ... first as a single person, and later on as a wife and mother, helping create a family "culture" or dynamic that I felt comfortable in... I remember feeling FREE!

Don't get me wrong... I grew up in a family that had many strengths: it provided love and support in many ways. But what I found hard was that there was a lot of criticism and hard judgment, as well... I was expected to be perfect... And that is what I wanted to escape... I really didn't want to get caught up in it... trying to be perfect ... or trying to make my relatives think I was perfect...

Why can't we just enjoy each other - live and let live? I wanted to say... Instead, I took the easy way out - and walked away. My motto in those days was: If you can't please everybody and also please yourself, then please yourself. When I look back on that, on the one hand it seems a little selfish... (Like Frank Sinatra singing, "I did it my way...") But for me, it was necessary for survival.

But as with everything in life - we may leave our past behind - but we also take it with us, wherever we go. Scratch the surface, and it's there. And it is that past that I'm trying to make peace with these days!

A few years ago, my mother moved to live near me - and she only needs to open her mouth, and my childhood memories - the bad ones, in particular - come flooding back... I really don't want to go back there ... and I don't want to hold grudges against her... Or against any of the relatives who helped raise me, most of whom are no longer alive. So I am trying to make my peace with her and with my past...

Why bother?

One reason, is that forgiveness is an essential part of Christian faith. In the Lord's Prayer we ask God to ...

Forgive us our sins (or trespasses) AS WE FORGIVE THOSE who sin (or trespass) against us...

Un-forgiveness is not an option, no matter how hard forgiveness may be. As someone once commented - to forgive implies that we are condoning the action... And that is often how it seems. I think that's why it's so hard to forgive - you know you've been wronged... You don't want to say, THAT'S ALL RIGHT ... when every ounce of you is screaming: I was wronged!

I remember reading somewhere that forgiveness involves naming the wrong... (It was wrong to...) and then adding... (But I give up my right to get even...)

Another reason why I want to let go of my anger is that resentment - another form of un-forgiveness - is no easier to live with than the constant criticism I was trying to avoid... We all want to love and be loved (and accepted for who we are). That is why so many people long to "fall in love"...

To create the home I want - where love and acceptance abound - I need to sweep anger and resentment out! In fact, they are forms of criticism, too. My holding on to anger poisons the air as much as constant fault-finding does. And I really don't want to live where that is the norm.

It's never as easy as it looks...

A few years ago a colleague mentioned that her son found a sun lamp helpful in dealing with SAD - Seasonal Affective Disorder - also known as "winter blues."

I should try one sometime, I decided: There is no comparison between the energy I feel on sunny days and the lethargy that takes over in cloudy, rainy weather.

So last year I bought a sun lamp with blue light - but it had technical problems I couldn't resolve - so I returned the lamp. This year I decided to try again - and purchased a different kind of lamp.














I have 30 days to see if it works for me or not. If not, I'll be able to return it - but I'm running into one problem after another just trying to set it up!














It requires a very specific location - the blue light (from the lamp I got last year) could shine on my face from the side. But this lamp requires a specific location - straight in front of the face - 30 centimeters (12 inches) away - at eye level.

It has been hard for me to find a precise location like that. The lamp is too large to fit on my desk without my totally clearing the desk - and that's next to impossible! To further complicate matters, my desk is in an older part of our 50 year-old house - where the power outlets are two-prong... and this lamp requires a three-prong outlet!














So today found me moving furniture to try to set up the lamp in our new family room (which has three-prong outlets) - so that I can try it out for a few days to see if it works - and cheers me up - or simply gives me a headache (which the instructions warn could happen!)

To further complicate the situation, the weather this past week has - for the most part - been warm and sunny. Will we get any grey days before my 30-day trial period is over?! I don't know!

I just know that when I picked up the box a few days ago, getting a sun lamp seemed like a great idea... But today, after all the obstacles I'm encountering, I'm starting to wonder if it's worth all the effort!

Some things in life aren't as easy as they look!

Christian Meditation

Christian meditation - the way I practice it - involves reflecting on a thought (usually from the Bible) that resonates with me. I try to fill my mind with its meaning.

Whenever I come across something that strikes me powerfully when I am reading, I write it down so that, from time to time, I can re-read it, meditating on what it means.

Here is one I wrote down sometime this past year. It comes from the Psalms (my favorite book of the Bible), Psalm 27, verse 14. I may have been feeling insecure or unsure of what to do when I wrote it down, because its words are encouraging...

Wait on the Lord
Be of good courage
And He shall strengthen your heart
Wait, I say, on the Lord.

Two Down... One to Go...

One of my quilting goals is to have three new quilts completed before Christmas... (I can't give a quilt to one of my kids without at least offering one to each of the others, too!)















I finished this Magic Tiles Quilt a year ago. It's been sitting on a shelf ever since...

I started this quilt in early spring...














A few days ago, I sewed on the binding...














... adding an embroidery stitch in variegated thread on the back, just for fun!














Today I finished that quilt too!

Now... to get back to the one upstairs on the quilt frame! Can I finish it in a month?!! I don't know!

Jersey Boys: A Missing Puzzle Piece

The Jersey Boys is an award-winning musical that recounts the story of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons, a popular "boy band" of my teenage years. I enjoyed the show a lot, when I saw it recently in Washington, DC, partly because it was very well done - and partly because it reconnected me with a lot of the pop songs I had grown up with. I was astounded to discover how many of these songs I knew and loved had been written by a young man, Bob Gaudio (whom I had never heard of) - who was only 15 when he wrote his first hit!

Whatever happened to that talented song writer? I wondered. Talented people don't just disappear. The end of the story (as told on The Jersey Boys) - had him retreating with his wife to a peaceful (retirement?) life aboard his boat...

Did he just disappear into the sunset? Did he do anything else in his career? After all, the story in the musical ends when he is about 30...

Last night, while surfing the net, I discovered a youtube interview that in part answered my question. Yes, he went on to work with other famous singers... and in fact, it was he who put together this hit musical, The Jersey Boys!

For those who are interested, here is the interview.

Wandering Around Washington DC

No trip to Washington, DC, would be complete without a quick look at the White House (through the high security fence) ...














A walk down Pennsylvania Avenue, to admire the lovely buildings, like these elegant hotels...

A photo-shoot with the President ...



















(We were lucky enough to catch a glimpse of him outside this tourist shop!)














After spending a few hours wandering around, we looked for an interesting place to have lunch.














Harry's and Harriet's was comfortably crowded - a sign of good food!














We enjoyed our lunches...














And being part of the busy downtown Washington scene - even if just for a day!

Visiting Leesburg, Virginia

Leesburg, Virginia is one of my favorite places to visit in the Washington area.


















About an hour outside of Washington, DC, its quaint buildings remind me of another era.


















We parked near this old Episcopal Church...














Walked past these charming houses...















Dropped in at several antique stores...














And wandered past cafes.

In another part of town, there is a popular outlet mall. Last time I was there (several years ago), I bought a few things. This time the stores were crowded, and I didn't see anything I really liked. But it was the end of a long day, and I was getting tired. In order to enjoy shopping, I need to have lots of energy!

On the Road Again...

A few weeks ago my friend Kay and I headed (for the third time) to Washington DC to attend a conference in nearby Purcelleville, Virginia - about an hour out of Washington. It is always an adventure...














We arrived two days before the conference so that we could spend some time in Washington. The first day we attended a play (Shear Madness) and a free puppet show at the Kennedy Center. (Kay is a drama teacher who also writes plays.) We also toured the building - which was really wonderful.














We discovered that the famous (infamous?) Watergate Parking Garage is just across from the Kennedy Center.

Day 2 saw us head back to Washington, where we visited the Ford Theater, where Abraham Lincoln was assassinated. Here is a view of the theater...














The curtains to the right of the stage mark the box where Abraham Lincoln and his wife were sitting when he was shot...

The basement of the Ford Theater has a fascinating museum about the presidency of Abraham Lincoln.

We decided to continue the THEATER THEME of our visit by going to a musical, The Jersey Boys, at the National Theater, just down the street from the White House. We were informed that the fateful night Abraham Lincoln and his wife were at the Ford Theater, their older son was here at the National Theater...

I haven't seen a musical in years - and The Jersey Boys was truly amazing! The energy of the whole performance - and the songs - took me back to my teenage years... (It got two thumbs up from both Kay and me!)

Organizing My Day...

US President Barack Obama (and thousands of others) organize their days using Blackberries, those nifty little Canadian inventions - which they constantly consult...

I have a simpler way of organizing my day... using scraps of recycled paper - sliced up from sheets I no longer need.














Baskets of these little note papers sit on every desk and counter, so they are easily accessible: I just reach over and jot down any important item I need to remember - from shopping lists and blog ideas to doctors' appointments.

Terry leaves notes to organize me as well... When I get up in the morning, there is often one hastily written note beside my coffee maker.














Today there are 3, so I know it's going to be an eventful day!

And once a task is accomplished, I have the satisfaction of scrunching up my note and tossing it (as hard as I can!) into the nearest paper recycle bin! I'll bet you wouldn't dare do that with your Blackberry or electronic organizer!

If only...

Winter is around the corner - to use an expression that confused me when I was three or four. I remember running down the street to the corner and peering around it, puzzled to discover that winter wasn't there any more than it was on my street!

(But I digress!)

I have been silently bemoaning the restrictions that winter puts on my life, when roads and sidewalks turn icy. With my "tradition" of slipping on ice ... and sometimes injuring myself (a cracked tail-bone, a fractured wrist)... I have been dreading it - perhaps a little too much.

So today when I started (again) to reflect on the nearness of winter - an inner voice gently reprimanded me: But you can walk outside today - so go do it! How many nice days have slipped by without your taking that long walk you always wish you could take... when you can't?

Yes, maybe I need to re-adjust my focus and just enjoy TODAY!

A lot can change if we re-adjust our focus. I remember talking to a neighbor whose husband was on the verge of retirement.

That will be nice for you both, I commented. You'll be able to do things together.

I don't know, she replied. I'm used to being home alone all day. I think I'm going to have a hard time adjusting.

A few months later, I ran into her again.

So how is your husband's retirement going? I asked. Have you adjusted to having him home all the time?

Oh yes, I'm so glad he's home. He had a heart attack around the time he retired. I thought I was going to lose him... I'm SO GLAD to have him around the house...

His heart attack brought about a change of perspective...

I too need to shift my perspective: Instead of bemoaning the fact that winter is indeed around the corner, I need to focus on appreciating every nice day I have - and make sure that I take a long walk every day I can!

Time to Think About Winter Boots!

Winter is coming! (Or so the calendar tells us!) So far we have had no snow - only early morning frost, as temperatures dip below freezing at night.

Last week the weatherman warned us that it might snow - so I scurried around, gathering my boots in readiness...

It didn't snow! But at least I'm ready.

As I look at them all, sitting neatly in a row - some old and well-worn, one pair with steel grips for ice, all with different linings for different winter temperatures - the lines of poetry (from a sonnet by John Milton) come to mind:














"They also serve who only stand and wait..."

Remembrance Day

Today is Remembrance Day. Downtown - at the 11th hour of the 11th day of the 11th month - there was a ceremonial laying of the national wreath at the tomb of the unknown soldier. All Canadian soldiers who died in any war are remembered. The honor of laying the national wreath goes to a mother of a fallen soldier.

In 1963 my cousin's mother-in-law laid the wreath. She had lost three of her four sons in World War II.














Only her youngest son (my cousin's husband) had survived: he had been too young to join the army. (Here he is with my cousin on their wedding day.)

I can't even imagine such a personal family tragedy...

We Are Who We Are

It's interesting - for me as a parent - to see how certain character traits stay with our children throughout their lives... They are born with their own unique personality "packages." It's natural for us to want them to be "like us" - as we have (over time) learned how to deal with the world using our own (pre-packaged) interests, strengths and weaknesses.

But as much as we want to help them, they will always be who they are. They too will have to learn how to deal with their worlds using their own "pre-packaged" inate character traits...


















I remember my daughter - age 4 - standing beside the curtain while the rest of her ballet group was center stage rehearsing their "How Much Is That Doggy in the Window?" dance. She stood watching, refusing to participate in the rehearsals.

Was she too shy to go on stage? we wondered.

When performance night came, to our surprise, she ran on to the stage with the others, doing her part perfectly. All the time she was watching the others, not participating, she was focusing on getting it just right.

Many years later, as an adult, she is still a perfectionist, who would rather wait than rush in and do a poor job... whereas my tendency would be to rush in!

I laughed recently when I came across a "book" of stories one of my sons created in grade 2 - entitled Tales of a Grade Two Writer!


















In one tale, my then-7-year-old son recounted how he picked the 3 winning lottery numbers - and won $10,000!


















Where did that story... Where did that interest in gambling come from?! I wondered. He never saw my husband and me buy lottery tickets. In fact, my husband is an avid anti-gambler! But here I see that gambling has fascinated him since an early age. And - to my dismay - it continues to be one of his passions!

So what is my role as a parent? I think it is: To teach my children right (from wrong) and what has worked for me. To be a role model they may choose to follow as adults... And to love them for who they are (not for how much they resemble me)!

More Signs of Summer's End

Our neighborhood has several sure signs of summer's end.














In early November, cranes arrive at the soccer field near my house...














And cover it with a plastic dome.














All winter long, various sporting events take place inside this plastic "bubble."

And the final sign of summer's end, in our neighborhood is when the outdoor Dairy Queen, up the street, shuts down...














It's a favorite gathering place for families and sports teams on warm summer evenings. Seeing the sign - Closed until March - sadly affirms that summer is really over!