You can lead a horse to water, BUT...

One of the lessons I'm constantly having to re-learn is that everyone is ultimately responsible for his or her own path in life. As a teacher, I accepted this, eventually letting go when students didn't want to study... Most of my career in education was spent teaching adults who were aiming for a second chance to do what they hadn't succeeded in doing before - getting a high school diploma. Many registered every semester but there were always some who dropped out - they weren't ready to take the time or make the effort needed to get that elusive diploma. Often they came back again and again - finally succeeding when the time was right (perhaps when their children were all in school, giving them time to study). Many finally accomplished what they had once considered an "impossible dream."

Graduation Day was always an exciting time, for us teachers - as well as for the students - who finally showed up with their parents, children, spouses/partners and friends. We teachers finally saw what they had been dealing with in the other (non-school) part of their lives... And of course, many of our students had jobs, so they were only able to study as time (and responsibilities) permitted.

It was always interesting for me to watch the parents of these late graduates... I remember one mother (in tears of joy) telling me she'd never imagined that her daughter would actually one day graduate from high school!... And now, there she was! (A smart girl who hadn't seen the importance of education in her life before this.)

Three proverbs spring to mind when I think of learning:

The first is: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. My son (struggling with high-school math) made this comment to the tutor I hired to help him "pass math." (He had expressed no interest in getting math help.) With an attitude like that, I was wasting my money... Needless to say, he didn't pass the course - instead, he dropped it and switched to an easier one...

The second is: When we are ready to learn, we will find a teacher. My students needed to be ready. I do too. I often purchase books that look interesting, but somehow I can't get into them for months or even years- until I am ready to read them. I took a quilting course when I was ready to spend time quilting ... I'd like to take a drawing course, but I'm not ready just yet...

The third proverb essential to learning is: Never deprive someone of hope; it may be all they have...

This was one of my mottos in the classroom... Together with not depriving people of hope - we need to actively encourage them when they feel discouraged. But there is a fine line between encouraging and pushing them... Encouraging often comes from just being there to listen.

As a teacher, I had to step back and let my students find their own way. But as a parent, I find this much harder to do! I always want to help them do it!!

I know that they have to discover their own path their way... because they are different from me, and their world is different from the world I lived in when I was their age.

MY WAY is the best way I know. (It worked for me! So of course, I want them to follow my footsteps.) But I do have to remind myself that they aren't me - and their world isn't my world. Ultimately they have to find their own way by themselves!