Life Evolves - Careers Evolve

The goal of parenting is... to set kids free with skills that enable them to survive in the world. (Another goal might be to remain friends with them for the rest of your lives, but that's another story!)

I remember when my brother and I were finishing high school, my father was miserable. He was afraid that we would never make it on our own because - in his eyes - we hadn't struggled enough. He had seen children of rich parents squander their family's wealth as adults and end up with nothing. He, on the other hand, had lost his father at age 4 during World War I and had started working at age of 5, herding geese in Poland, to help his mother feed the family. He had never been given anything - and worried that we had been given too much.

Later in life, as a parent, I could identify with some of my father's feelings. I remember how happy I was when my own three children had all completed a reasonable amount of education, found reasonable jobs, and set out on their own .

Your job is done! My youngest son confidently assured me when he finished university. Enjoy the rest of your life and don't worry about us!

(He is all too aware of my tendency to worry - a trait I may have inherited from my father!)

And so I didn't worry - for a while. But now, after a few years, when I talk to them about work, they smile and say that everything is fine... but they're getting restless... Maybe they need a change. This isn't the job I want to do for the rest of my life, they have all told me at least once.

After my initial panic (why do I always think it's my problem?!) I try to remember that many of us who are older have struggled for many years to discover our "calling" - or at least, interesting work we feel happy doing for more than a few years.

One of my co-workers, for example, had studied to be a dietitian, working in the field for a few years before taking a job as a teacher, teaching foods courses in a college in Northern Canada. There she also started teaching English as a second language - and realized that this was the job she really loved.

I think of Terry, my husband. who studied to be a teacher, but discovered (while working as a church youth leader) that he preferred helping kids with their problems. So he went back to school to become a counsellor. And even within the field of counselling, he has felt the need to move around from time to time.

Or my brother, who started out as a sports instructor but ended up a businessman, creating a number of successful businesses...

All these people - in their 20s - were trying to figure out what they really wanted to do. They followed their instincts and tried new things - eventually finding work that satisfied them.

So sometimes I have to remind myself - as I remind my children - that life evolves and careers evolve.

Sometimes I have to step back and let them work it out (even though my natural instinct as a mother is to step in and try to help). Because, whatever they do with their lives, they will do it as themselves, with their own personalities, their own skills... and dreams - and not as ME! (Just as I will never be - in fact, never can be - them.)