How do you know you are marrying the right person? I once asked a friend who was engaged.
(Young and single at the time, I was determined to learn all I could...)
She looked at me for a moment, then replied: I don't believe there is a Mr. Right... There are probably a large number of men in this world I could be happy with... But I've decided to marry this man.
I stared at her in disbelief: I was looking for Mr. Right!
Where did my idea of "Mr. Right" come from?
Was it from meeting so many nice men I instinctively knew were NOT "Mr Right" ... for me?!
Or was it the novels I had read as a child... and the movies I had seen... love stories where the hero and heroine found true soul mates. The RIGHT one was so obviously RIGHT!
I felt that God might have some certain person for me to marry - and I prayed about it from time to time. Not everyone in my church agreed with me though. I remember discussing this with a 50-something-year-old bachelor who emphatically stated that God was NOT concerned about UNIMPORTANT things like marriage.
I would never pray about marriage, he sputtered. I only pray about IMPORTANT issues...
Like what? I remember asking.
Like world peace and world hunger... things like that.
I thought a lot about what he said. And I looked at his life...
I eventually came to the conclusion that the personality and character of the person with whom I would spend my life, the person who would join me in setting the tone of my home, and in raising my children was extremely important... In fact, he would be my children's role model for life!
There was also a Biblical example, a story in the Bible where God helped someone find THE ONE.
The story puzzled me though: a servant was sent to find a wife for his master's son. He prayed for a sign, so as not to err ... and God pointed him to THE ONE. Amazingly, this young girl agreed to go off with him, a stranger she had never met before...
What bothered me was the second part of the story... Although God had clearly chosen the young man's wife, later in life, conflict arose between the couple. Parents of twin boys, each favored a different child and got caught up in the boys' sibling rivalry. In the end, the family was sadly divided...
My question was: If God chose the two to be RIGHT for each other, why were they in conflict? Shouldn't MR AND MRS RIGHT have a PERFECT marriage?!
Now, after many years of marriage, I think that the answer is that MARRIAGE ISN'T A DESTINATION, IT'S A JOURNEY... a journey that requires people make thoughtful choices, not only before they decide to get married, but also throughout their married life...
Like my parents, who loved each other but were very different. They struggled through much of their married life, each wishing that the other were more like them... But during the last 20 years of their 50-year marriage journey, they found true happiness in each other. The key that transformed their marriage was their conscious effort to avoid criticism and show appreciation every day.
And what about my friend - the one who said she didn't believe there was a "Mr. Right"?
A few years ago, our paths crossed again. Grandparents now, both she and her husband were doing well. Their life has had its share of tragedy: one of their three children died in a traffic accident... But she and her husband were still together, and they looked happy...
I can only assume that, not necessarily looking for MR. RIGHT, she had nonetheless made the RIGHT choice!
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