I don't handle change well, most of the time. The only exception I can think of was moving into retirement a year ago. That went extremely smoothly - I took to it like a baby duck takes to water. It felt natural, bringing a sense freedom and joy...
Other changes in my life were not so easy. I remember how I hated my first year of university - the sense of bewilderment. (What am I doing here?!) Vancouver's rain didn't make things any easier... Later, when I went to Israel as an exchange student, I discovered that I thrive in sunshine - so I didn't want to leave! (And I ended up staying for 10 years!)
Other changes come to mind. The first year of marriage was challenging - I had lived alone so long that I found it hard to share my life (and my living space) with someone, even someone I loved. It took me a while, but I adjusted. Parenting was also a stretching experience. I always wanted to have children, and loved the baby years. But I remember being tired a lot - tired and stretched to the limits of my patience. After the babies grew into intesting people, I hated to see them leave, but I'm slowly adjusting to that too.
Now I'm at a new plateau in life - another challenging change. I say "plateau" because it has been going on for a while, and probably will continue for a while to come: the challenge of helping my mother walk through her own changes in life.
She moved to Ottawa from Kelowna, BC at the age of 83 so that I could help her - and, apart from medical appointments I have had to take her to, she has managed pretty well on her own. In the six years she has been here, she has carved out a niche for herself - making friends, living happily in her apartment next to a shopping center, where she became an early morning "mall-walker, " setting herself a goal of talking to at least five people a day, mostly older women like herself, who seemed alone.
She has recently decided to move into a retirement residence where meals are provided and there are daily exercises classes. She is delighted to be there. But she doesn't want to give up medicating herself, even though her doctors think she needs to be supervised. She doesn't always see the big picture and tends to fixate on details.
What should I do? I forgot to take my Thursday pill, she asked me one Friday. Do I wait till next Thursday?
No, take it tomorrow, and from now on it will be your Saturday pill, I tell her. Take it every Saturday from now on.
It's logic like that that escapes her.
So she has moved into her new residence, as I empty drawers and cupboards in her apartment and grieve the changes that inevitably occur as people age.
Look at the bright side of life, my husband reminds me. She wants to be in the residence. She is happy there. Count your blessings!
This morning I found a brochure I picked up a while ago ... probably when I was thinking of the changes retirement would bring. It is entitled: Coping With Change (Copyright Performance Resource Press, Inc.) It suggests 3 ways to deal with the stress of change: 1. exercise a lot (exercise, exercise, exercise - to help the body's natural stress fighters become more effective) 2. relax - while you visualize the stress leaving your body 3. focus on "events, people and things in life that make us feel good and renew our sense of hope during difficult times." I guess that's a cross between counting our blessings and doing things we enjoy.
Maybe I should go for a walk, then listen to some music while I quilt...
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