What Happened Here?!

One of my sons has a friend whose girlfriend has taken up BOXING! Recently my son and the boyfriend went to watch her fight. I don't remember whether she won or lost - but she did get a black eye! Leaving the boxing club after the match, the boxer's boyfriend turned to her and said: I'm really uncomfortable walking down the street with you. Everyone is probably thinking that I gave you that black eye!

Yes... we may agree. But why?!

Perhaps because physical abuse of women and children is in the news - and on our minds.

I remember looking down the street after hearing that one in ten women suffers abuse, and wondering: Where? Could it be happening in this very neighborhood?

So when I noticed a bruise on one neighbor's face, my first thought was that she had been hit... not that she had bumped her head on the cupboard door...

What really happened? I don't know. I didn't ask... (Women who suffer abuse rarely admit it.) But I did lose respect for her husband.

Was I right? I don't know.

It's important to talk about child abuse, spousal abuse, elder abuse, and workplace abuse (to name a few) - and to be (rightly) outraged when they occur. But sometimes I need to step back - and not jump to conclusions - whenever I encounter a perceived wrong. Even though it goes against the grain!

In school and at home, we teach children from an early age to be logical:

• What could happen if you pull a chair away from someone who is going to sit down?
  
• What could happen if you don't look before you cross the street?
  
• What could happen if you play with matches?

In mystery stories, we guess WHODUNIT? - together with HOW? and WHY?

But - in the BEST stories, the answer is often a surprise...

Similarly a girl with the black eye may not be wearing a t-shirt that proclaims: I earned my bruises honestly - I'm a boxer!

Sometimes, even when I'm sure I know what happened, I may just be wrong!