Role Model

When my mother moved to Ottawa almost 13 years ago, at the age of 83, it was a change for both of us. For her, it was necessity that brought her here. She was clear about that: She was reluctantly leaving her comfortable home because she needed help: She needed me to help her... and it would be nice to get to know her grandchildren better...

I wasn't sure what help I could offer. I had a job. My three children (in their teens and twenties) still lived at home. I was busy... And, as Terry will attest, apart from when my children were young, I have never been a care-giver type. (We still laughingly recall him saying - early in our marriage when he was sick and expected me to look after him: Well, you're no Florence Nightingale...)

I really am no Florence Nightingale! 

I admit, there was some resentment on my part. You weren't here when I could have used an occasional baby sitter, I wanted to tell her. And now that you need help, you want me to squeeze you into my already busy life... (Not exactly what a loving daughter should say... but that's the way it was.)


The past 12 years have been a learning curve for both of us... But, I have to admit, that for me, her moving here has been a gift... Not a gift wrapped in pretty paper and bows, but a lesson in life.

I chafed against my new role in her life, a role doctors gave me, expecting me to enforce their decisions (which she angrily disagreed with...) when told she shouldn't be taking her own medication, then (a few years later) she needed a walker, then a wheelchair...


It wasn't easy. We both tried hard. She bravely tried to establish a new community of friends. I tried to help her as best I could.

Seeing her struggle with life's inevitable changes, I regularly came face to face with the fact that she was only 27 years older than I was... and in 27 years, I could be in her situation!

So, now when I see her at 95, in the nursing home, daily appreciate her life... (This is a good place to be when you need help.... The food is good... The entertainment today was wonderful - you should have been here... I can't complain - I've had a good life...)

She has become a role model for me.