Asking (the Right) Questions

Questions in a job interview are meant to determine if a candidate is the right person for the job, and also if the job is right for the applicant. Happiness - on both sides - is determined by asking the right questions...

But of course, asking probing questions isn't limited to job interviews!...

When we decided to get married, we really hadn't known each other that long. Perhaps fearing we had made an unwise, rash decision, one of Terry's friends gave us a list of questions couples should ask each other before making that marriage commitment. We rolled our eyes when we saw the list! But we did read it through - and some interesting discussions ensued.

I don't know what happened to our original list - but I found a similar one online. (Most of the questions listed below are taken from it...)

We had already discussed many personal things that were on the list, like...

• What was your childhood like?
• Was your family an affectionate one?
• What values do you want to bring from your family into our marriage?
• What do you like and dislike about your family?
• What do you like and dislike about your parents' marriage?
• What do you like and dislike about my parents' marriage?

But there were others we hadn't broached, such as those concerning finances...

• Are you a saver or spender when it comes to money?
• Do you want to have a budget?
• Should we have a joint checking account or separate accounts or both?
• Who is going to be responsible for making sure that bills are paid on time?
• What are our financial goals?

Asking each other these questions probably saved us some anger and heartache in those early years of marriage. In fact, the area of finances - where we found ourselves most at odds - never became an issue after we were married - probably because we had discussed our personal preferences so fervently beforehand.

So now, all these years later, as we embark on a new phase of life - RETIREMENT - with its 24/7 togetherness! - we are again asking each other some of those same pre-marital questions, like...

• What do we as a couple want out of life?
• How are we going to divide up the household chores?
• What are your expectations about how we will spend our free time?
• Do you believe that we should be doing everything together?
• Can we each pursue our own interests?
• Do you need or want time alone?

Because this is REALLY, REALLY different from anything we have ever undertaken. And we want to make sure we're both on the same page!